The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Surprise Endorsements from the ACDC

The Rules of Bureaucracy

Rule #O: "The Rules of Bureaucracy are mutable, non-canonical, non-ordinal, and contradictory, except in the cases where they are not."
Rule #1: "Document everything you do; if you didn't write it down, it didn't happen."
Rule #2 [The Sixty Minutes Rule]: "Never do anything that would cause Ed Bradley, Mike Wallace, Morley Safer, Steve Croft, Leslie Stahl, or even Andy Rooney to persue you down a hallway with a camera crew."
Rule #3: "Nothing Simple is Ever Easy"
Rule #4: "It's about the money; follow the money."
Rule #5: "Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Rule #6: "Politics is the enemy of good government."
Rule #7: "The biggest detriment to public service is the public."
Rule #8: "The second biggest detriment to public service is the service."
Rule #9: "There's a reason; there's ALWAYS a reason."
Rule #10: "The Law is a harsh mistress: The rigorous and exacting application of which can benefit of society when used correctly to advance good policy and block bad, and be the bane of society when used incorrectly to advance bad policy and block good."
Rule #11: "Public service often involves waking up in the morning, opening up the newspaper, and discovering that someone, somewhere out there thinks that you're a dickhead."
Rule #12: "No one really knows what you do."
Rule #13 [Luke's Rule]: "No one ever acts like the bastard they really are."
Rule #14: "Bureaucracy endures."
Rule #15: "The longer you work in bureaucracy, the more Catch-22 resembles non-fiction."
Rule #16: "Politicians are not smarter than you."
Rule #18: "Money is not created equal."
Rule #19: "Mediocrity is normalcy."
Rule #17: "Within any bureaucratic structure, resources (e.g. people, money, knowledge, etc.) are not distributed uniformly."
Rule #20: "Don't assume a fiduciary liability without a committed resource allocation."
Rule #21: "If you do your job and obey the law, they can't reasonably fire you."
Rule #22: "The Budget will always be wrong."
Rule #23: "Always sign in blue."
Rule #24: "A Bureaucrat must be able to explain and justify his/her actions to laymen without resorting to the phrase 'because the Rules say so.'"
Rule #25: "Never voluntarily relinquish control of an original document."
Rule #26: "Sometimes you just have to say 'Screw the rules'"
Rule #27: "Change sucks."
Rule #28: "Sometimes the answer is 'No.'"
Rule #29: "It is very easy to make difficult decisions when no one has a clue what's going on."
Rule #30: "If you hang around long enough, eventually you will become an expert in something."
Rule #31: "Data, technology, and automatic processes can never completely supplant human interaction."
Rule #32: "Cover thine own ass."
Rule #33: "It's not real until it has its own acronym."
Rule #34:There is nothing more dangerous than an elected, resourceful idiot.
Rule #35: It will always take longer than expected.
Rule #36: Coming Soon...

Monday, March 08, 2010

Surprise Endorsements from the ACDC

If you were paying attention to the Allegheny County Democratic Committee nominating meeting yesterday, you would know that some guy's brother and some woman who lost her last race got nominated for something or other.

If you weren't paying attention, you would know about the following nominations:

* Nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay: The Onorato for Governor Campaign

* Nominated for Best Foreign Language Film: SEA Arena Bond Issuance

* Nominated for Best Makeup: Melissa Hart

* Nominated for Best Director: John Verbanac

* Nominated for Best Animated Short: Teresa Smith

* Nominated for Best Sound Mixing: Doug Shields

* Nominated for Best Original Song: That Grinding, Whirring Sound in the Recorder of Deeds Office

* Nominated for Best Supporting Actor in a Tragedy: Yarone Zober

* Nominated for Best Gaffer: Cyril Wecht

* Nominated for Best Boy: Luke Ravenstahl

Of course, I may have fallen asleep watching the Oscars...

1 comment:

Mackenzie Carpenter said...: Dear Angry Drunk Bureacrat:

I'm working on a piece about anonymous posters, the Internet and the First Amendment in light of some recent lawsuits seeking the identity of a poster.

I am talking to various bloggers around the city to see if they've ever been targeted (I know there's one such suit involving Voy.com right now) in this manner... also interviewing various First Amendment experts to figure out what the legal landscape is like in Pennsylvania and elsewhere.

If you or your colleagues in the blogosphere know of any cases involving anonymous speech where the poster was successfully unmasked... (I'm thinking John Chapman finally revealed his identity as GrantStreet99, but not, I think, in response to Joan Orie Melvin's lawsuit) please feel free to get in touch with me.

Plus it would be cool to talk to you, your blog is very good.

Many thanks,

Mackenzie Carpenter
mcarpenter@post-gazette.com
412-263-1949; 12:17 PM

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Monday, March 08, 2010

Surprise Endorsements from the ACDC

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