Grand Old Pittsburgh

Yes, the rumors are true: Pittsburgh has been asked to submit a bid on the 2008 Republican Convention. Of course, 30 other cities are in the running.

Well... 28 Cities. Chicago already told the GOP, and I'm quoting here, to "suck it",* as did San Diego, who responded with something unprintable and unnecessarily vulgar.

If you believe the Trib, we're also back in the hunt for the Democratic Convention.

Imagine the embarrassment if we hosted them both! We'd never be able to go anywhere without Des Moines whispering behind our back, "Oh, she's the one that whored herself out to two Conventions back in 2008. I heard she also had a Green Party Quarterly meeting while she was totally drunk." And we all know that Des Moines is just a two bit hussy herself, who'll put out for any farm show, any time, any place.**

Obviously the Democrats would feel a bit more welcome in this town than the GOP, but both conventions create a myriad of problems for the City in terms of logistics.

The one that I'm concerned with is this: remember in 2004 when the GOP blocked off, like, 3 blocks of downtown New York City for their convention? Can you even imagine what that would be like in downtown Pittsburgh? We might as well just stop coming into work that week.

Umm... yeah boss. I, um, can't make it in to town today. It seems that the Secret Service has quarantined most of my commute route. Yeah, yeah.... I tried to get around, but, um... they're slowly crushing my windpipe right now...

Maybe Chicago would be a better place for the convention after all.

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* No, not really.
** I don't think this part is true either.