Monday, April 10, 2006

Special Election: 30th District... Part I

Obviously, I was not paying attention over the last month(s), else I would have done this posting awhile ago:

If there's anything good that will come out of tomorrow's special election for PA 30th House District, it will be that the winner will not be Jeff Habay. No matter who wins tomorrow, you can be sure that I will be celebrating by mailing myself white powder and blaming it on my rivals.

Both Mike Dolan (R) and Shawn Flaherty (D) had signed a clean campaign pledge. Fortunately, the ADB was not a party to that agreement... and is free to scuriously mock their respective websites, as is my style. Here we go...

Shawn Flaherty

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OK, I know it's Fox Chapel and everything but good lord is the website white. White, white, white. Any whiter and the damned thing would be translucent. It's like the J. Crew catalogue went into politics and threw up everywhere. The closest thing there is to diversity on the front page is Dan Onorato.

Shawn promises to introduce an Open Government Bill of Rights to bring integrity and trust back to Harrisburg, oppose midnight pay raises, promote lobbyist accountability, and push to cut the size of our Legislature. Ha HA! Such hilarity! Stop it Shawn, you're killing me!

I give him a week and a half.

Interesting note: while the 30th District does not represent any portion of the City of Pittsburgh, Shawn's front page picture is taken from the West End Overlook.

Moving on...

Shawn, as you may have expected, is the scion of the Flaherty political dynasty:

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No, not that Flaherty; this Flaherty:

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Although, I can see where people could be confused. Ironically enough, Pete Flaherty campaigned as "Nobody's Boy;" Shawn Flaherty is Pete Flaherty's boy.

Interestingly enough, Shawn's biography was written by Tiffany Tupper, President of the Hampton High School Young Democrats. Tiffany also likes ponies. OMG! LOL!

Shawn has a plan for property tax reform, which he has entitled The Shawn Flaherty Plan for Real Property Tax Reform, proving that originality and creativity are not necessary in politics. If it was me, I would have entitled it Professor Nutzo O'Flaherty's Crazy Revenue Stream Enhancer-mattazer, but that's just me.

From the site:

The fundamentals of property assessment law are solidly grounded within the Pennsylvania State Constitution.

Taxes must equally and uniformly be distributed.

The Shawn Flaherty Plan for Real Property Tax Reform is designed to totally fall within the purview of this document.
Totally. Fur sure.

But geez... it's a long plan. Loooooong plan. Sooooooo looooooong!

[How long is it?]

So long that it has both a prelude AND an introduction.

That's not a joke, by the way.

Anyway, the nub of the plan for property tax relief is basically (1) gambling and (2) not paying for things. Although, one of the things he's proposing cutting is the State Legislature, which I can't see as a bad thing... unless you were a legislator, then you might be opposed to this kind of thing.

I wonder who votes on this stuff anyway.

Interesting fact: The Treasurer for the Flaherty campaign is "Noah Fardo" and his name elicits giggles from me.

Maybe not Habay, but totally, totally white. [Snicker... "Fardo"]

So, I hope this helps you folks up north of the river make your decision. Although, if you're taking your political advice from a short, stocky, balding, career bureaucrat in a bad suit, you have serious problems. Get help.

Part II coming soon...

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