Anger (pt 1)

As Ms. Monongahela notes over at her place, anger and drunkeness are not mutually exclusive. We've noticed, however, that this blog spends an awful lot of time talking about Bureaucracy and Drinking, and awfully little time talking about Anger. We do not wish to give the impression to our loyal readership (all five of them) that we are not a pent up ball of fury.

Indeed, we are filled with the kind of rage that would have put that good night of Dylan Thomas back on Standard Time.

So, I've put aside tonight's filing, cracked open a beer, and present some of the things (in no particular order) that piss me off:

• "Apple-tinis", "Chocolate Martinis", and other "-ini" drinks of their ilk - A Martini can be Vodka or Gin; Straight-up or On the Rocks... that's it. Everything else is a fucking bastard drink.
  
• Commercials with too Much Subtext - I don't want to spend 30 seconds trying to figure out why Dad isn't invited on the goddamned weekend car trip or why the interracial couple has adopted hispanic children.
  
• Atlas Shrugged, by Ayn Rand - A fucking waste of paper for people who act like self-righteous assholes.
  
• Supposedly Educated People that Say Words Like "Irregardless" or "Axe" (instead of "ask") - Stop sounding like a fucking idiot!
  
• Whoever Has Been Stealing my Shit - I will fucking shoot you with my Government issued crossbow!
• People That Have Somehow Gotten Hold of My Email Address - No, I can't solve you immediately urgent problem: that's not my job... it's not even my department... or my agency. Do you even KNOW my fucking job?
  
• Children - I swear to God, if you don't settle down, I will give you something to cry about.
  
• Parents - The above is your fault, you realize. I will also give you something to cry about when I rip off those parts that created those little hell spawn.
  
• Anything with the Word "Freedom" in its Name - If you really had "freedom" would you really need reminded all the time. Sort of like the guys that drive Hummers: if you had a huge penis, you wouldn't need to advertise that your penis was huge.
  
• People from Outside the City of Pittsburgh that Call Themselves "Pittsburghers" - Hey! I suffered through the Murphy administration, and you're from fucking Wexford!
  
• The Borough of Mt. Oliver - Pricks!
• "Popped Collars" on Golf Shirts - It looked like shit in the 80s, why do you think that it looks good now?
  
• Whatever Has Been Eating My Garden - Just look what happened to the asshole that was stealing my shit.
  
• The Weak Dollar - Takes away half of the charm of a cheap Canadian vacation.
  

OK, that's all for now. I'm too pissed off to continue. More in Part 2.