Friday Metablogging

Every now and then, I click on the little Sitemeter icon down at the bottom of the page, just to check up on my guests, make sure their drinks are filled, and look at their invitations. I'm always glad when people decide to stop by and take advantage of my eHospitality, but I'm equally curious as to how they actually got here. We're not exactly a Stuckey's on the Infotainment Superhighway.

The vast majority of my guests here come from parts unknown, which means that, frightening as it may seem, people actually have me bookmarked and check me regularly. Shame on you people for encouraging me.

The next largest chunk of visitors are referred by the good folks there on your right. Some of whom are witty, insightful, and more than marginally attractive and Fester.

After that, everyone else is referred here by various search engines, hitting on the terms "Angry," "Drunk," "Bureaucrat", "Angry Drunk," and "Beaurocrat." Most disturbingly of all, however, is that some people are actually searching for the terms "Angry Drunk Bureaucrat", which means that either (a) somebody's looking for me and can't find me or (b) there is significant interest in the field of Angry Drunken Bureaucracy.

It's a growth industry, apparently.

There are, however, some other searches that leave me... well... baffled, curious, and scared. For example:

I can only assume that the person searching on Knoxville Municipal Boundaries, merely got lost and ended up here because at some point I talked about all three concepts.

The link from the Wearing My Polo search led to a post on a business casual Friday, although my hope is that someone thought that I was some sort of expert on male fashion and had pictured me as some ripped demi-god, instead of the short, stocky troll from accounting that I am.

This site, for some reason, is your current #1 Google Search hit for the phrase "The hills are alive with the sound of crap" for reasons I do not wish to explain, nor have the time so to do. It immediately brings to mind visions of Maria Von Trapp at a cholera outbreak.

That's a phrase, by the way, that I'm also sure to be the #1 Google hit.

Some lost first year English major probably typed in the phrase "whan that april with its showres soote - what does this mean" at the 11th hour before a midterm paper was due, hoping for the Cliffs Notes to The Canterbury Tales, but instead got this place. This guy is probably failing and it's my fault.

I'm sure that there is a reasonable explanation and perfectly innocent story behind why a person from the UK reached this site via the search phrase "Berlin Sauna Rules what to wear", but I haven't come up with anything plausible yet. I can only hope that this person found what they were looking for on this site, and didn't end up inappropriately staring at some guy's shwanstucker.

To answer the person who showed up here wondering "What happens on Bastille Day", the answer is "What happens on Bastille Day, stays on Bastille Day... even if it means running backwards away from the Germans because you were laughing at their shwanstuckers in the sauna."

The most frightening search I've found so far has been "how to hurt a bureaucrat." I don't know what this sick, sick person's problem is, but I'll give him the answer anyway: check his blog every day, tell your friends, make sure that they tell their friends. Try to get the blog posted to some national news aggregator and sit back while his server crashes. That'll show him. Trust me.

And finally, I don't know what possessed a visitor to put these terms together. I have no idea what it means or what the visitor was hoping to discover. I don't know if there was a rodent problem, an acorn problem, or something that fell under some obscure pet lemon law. I don't want to think about it too much as it's causing my eyes to twitch and my brain to melt, but apparently, if you search on the phrase "Certified Preowned angry squirrel", you hit this site.

But the worst part is: The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat is only the #3 site for Certified Preowned Angry Squirrels. Here's hoping that this post bumps us to #1.

Stay tuned for more...