Tuesday, October 17, 2006

An Open Letter to Client #300

Dear Client #300:

In regards to your complaint letter of earlier this week, we at The Bureaucracy believe that we can correct the situation that you described in one of two ways.

The first option involves unicorns that fart magical rainbows and elves that grant our every wish. With gentle cajoling and some kind words, we may be able to build a fairy workshop that creates miracles. Then, if we go down to the wishing pond and give three coins to the mystical Mr. Tuggles, he'll be able to give us the pixie dust necessary to power the fair workshop.

The second option involves you correcting this situation on your own, yourself.

Bear with me as I explain something to you, as I'm sure you're all ready with a rainbow farting unicorn, and pay attention, because this concerns you:


Whatever it is you're asking me to do, I don't do that and I am not responsible for it in any sense. In fact, your complaint falls into no job category anywhere in The Bureaucracy and possibly no where within the Government(s) of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. What you have described is a situation between you and someone else, not the Government and certainly not me. If you have a problem with this person, you need act like a responsible adult and talk face to face with this other human being. Don't get me involved; it is not my job.

When you asked in your letter, "What are you going to do about this?" I have a very good answer, but I'm afraid that it is physically impossible for you, as you seem to already have your head crammed firmly up that orifice. So, I'm going to fall back on an old chestnut instead and say "Nothing."

If you have any other problems, please feel free to throw yourself under a bus and do us all a favor.


The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat

Tag(s): Rant

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