Monday, October 16, 2006

SETI Discovers Intelligent Life on City Council

(AP) - The SETI Organization has announced today that it has detected several signals from 414 Grant Street which seem to indicate the possibility of intelligent life on Pittsburgh City Council. SETI, which was founded 22 years ago to conduct scientific research and educational projects relevant to the origin, nature, prevalence, and distribution of life in the universe, recently has recently turned its attention to less obvious places in the universe where intelligence could exist.

Speaking from the organization's headquarters in Mountain View California, CEO Thomas Pierson released the news with obvious excitement.

"If confirmed, this would mark the first evidence that intelligence can exist within local government. This is a remarkable day for both the natural and political science communities."

On September 14, 2006, Frankin University Professor W. H. Effman turned the radio antenae of the "Big Ear" Observatory towards a small patch of space between Fourth and Forbes Avenues on Grant Street. The signal that was received was so strong and, most surprisingly, so lucid that Effman immediately saw that it could not have been caused by normal politicians.

"Even if it were intelligent beings sending a signal, they'd do it far more than once," Effman says. "So we looked for it again 50 times and every time we came up with the same reading. At this point we were sure it wasn't just errant an signal that simply got reflected off the Regional Enterprise Tower. We immediately contacted Tom [Pierson] to tell him the good news."

Effman's discovery of a narrow bank burst of intelligence
from Grant Street may make us rethink our relationship
to Pittsburgh City Council

Pierson was elated at the discovery. "I was expecting to see the usual background noise of bloviations, accusations, and pandering... none of which actually indicate critical thinking... but was shocked when I actually heard a critical and well reasoned discussion on the ability to maintain adequate infrastructure in the face of regional cluster development needs and how it impacts citizens at or below the poverty level. I'm not embarassed to say that I was giddy."

The SETI organization cautioned that more studies will need to be done, but the eventual hope is that someday the people of the City of Pittsburgh will at last be able to communicate with intelligent City Council people.

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