Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The Young Ones

Blah, blah, blah, keep young people in Pittsburgh, blah, blah, blah. From the Blah-G:

Fresh off the news that the region has lost more people this decade than any other metro area outside of New Orleans, Pittsburgh Mayor Luke Ravenstahl today announced the formation of a commission dedicated to keeping young professionals here...

The group will meet six times a year and will submit quarterly reports to the mayor and council on policy matters important to young professionals. It will break into committees that will provide advice to the administration on "economic, social, political, cultural, diversity and clean-and-safe matters," the mayor said....
Is it me, or is keeping young people in Pittsburgh an obsession around here, like right up there in front of the Penguins, and right behind the Steelers? The old guard 'round here basically falls over itself to attract youthful urban, hip types. Everything has to cater to the "young" and, occasionally, "the restless". There are days that I think we're about three council resolutions from turning the City County building to a cyber-cafe/half pipe combination.

And, by the way, nothing instills the vigor of youth like "committees" and "reports". Back in the day, I used to go down to the bar with a group of my buddies, have a couple of shots, and start going all Robert's Rules of Order on everyone's ass until we were forcibly adjourned sine die. Good times.

Having been a young person once, I can state the two reasons that I chose to stay here back in the day were (1) that I was a true yinzer at heart and (2) because there was a job opportunity for me here. Had either of those not been true, I would have hightailed it out of here faster than you could say "References Available Upon Request."

Seriously, unless the City is starting up Yinzerfication camps or be willing to guarantee a job for each and every yuppie out there, I think there's only one solution: duct tape.

It's no worse than another youth commission and would frankly hold together longer.


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