Monday, March 17, 2008

Onorato, Ravenstahl Endorse George Clinton

In what is being billed as "a cunning political stunt," the Mayor of Pittsburgh and the Allegheny County Chief Executive have thrown their weight behind funk rocker George Clinton in the 2008 Pennsylvania Primary.

Speaking at a hastily assembled press conference, Mayor Ravenstahl said that Mr. Clinton was "the energy that this party needed to turn this mother out."

"This is a chance to dance our way out of our constrictions... Ready or not here we come, getting down on the one which we believe in. One nation under a groove, getting down just for the funk of it," adding, "Can I get in on my good foot? Good God!"

Mr. Onorato concurred, calling Mr. Clinton's proposed health care and foreign policy proposals "Supergroovalisticprosifunkstic".

Clinton, who is regularly cited as one of the most important funk musicians in that genre, did not return phone calls.

Clinton associate Bootsy Collins, Assistant Professor of Political Science and Funk at Princeton University, called the endorsement an opportunity to bridge the rhetorical divide between races, classes, and parties and an unparalleled chance to "blow the roof off this mothersucker."

Thousands of Clinton supporters today rallied in Market Square, chanting "We want the funk! Give up the funk!"

Candidates Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton (no relation) released brief statements to the media. Ms. Clinton expressed disappointment, and, referencing her strong polling numbers, called on Ravenstahl and Onorator to "Give the people what they want, when they wants, and they wants it all the time." Clinton surrogate Geraldine Ferraro, on MSNBC today, repeated the claim that Parliament-Funkadelic was not even a legitimate political party.

Mr. Obama's statment merely stated that it was his campaign that could give the people "what they were funking for."

The Pennsylvania Presidential Primary is scheduled for April 22nd.

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