"Take the 42L Through the Angry Drunk Bureaucrat River Hole..."

Let me just say that I believe that the Port Authority of Allegheny County is begging to be mocked:

Port Authority CEO Steve Bland said the agency is looking into selling the naming rights to the 1.2-mile light-rail link between Downtown and the North Shore.

If the agency is successful, the deal could recoup part -- maybe all -- of the $12.7 million the county has allocated to the project.

Now, before it gets renamed "The UPMC Connector" like we all know it's going to be, I figure I'd take a stab at a couple of my own suggestions:

"The Luke Ravenstahl Memorial Police Skirmish Tube"

"The Wabash Tunnel Part 2"

"Ass AND Hole-in-the Ground"

"The Holland Tunnel" [Editor's Note - to make this name truly effective, we're going to need a little Dutch boy who's willing to stick his fingers in the leaks.]

"The 'Fare Increases My Aunt Fanny' Tunnel"

"The Pittsburgh Pirates Tunnel of Shame" with the sign "Warning, the Light at the end of the Tunnel is a Pirates Home Game"

"The Tailgate Tube"

"The I'm Too Lazy to Walk Tunnel"

"The I Paid PAT $1.2 Million and All I Got Were These Lousy Naming Rights" Tunnel

"The Sophie Masloff Memorial Connector"

"The Alternative to a Bridge"

"The Claustrophobia Experience"

and finally...

"The White Elephant Express"