The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Victim 2008

The Rules of Bureaucracy

Rule #O: "The Rules of Bureaucracy are mutable, non-canonical, non-ordinal, and contradictory, except in the cases where they are not."
Rule #1: "Document everything you do; if you didn't write it down, it didn't happen."
Rule #2 [The Sixty Minutes Rule]: "Never do anything that would cause Ed Bradley, Mike Wallace, Morley Safer, Steve Croft, Leslie Stahl, or even Andy Rooney to persue you down a hallway with a camera crew."
Rule #3: "Nothing Simple is Ever Easy"
Rule #4: "It's about the money; follow the money."
Rule #5: "Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Rule #6: "Politics is the enemy of good government."
Rule #7: "The biggest detriment to public service is the public."
Rule #8: "The second biggest detriment to public service is the service."
Rule #9: "There's a reason; there's ALWAYS a reason."
Rule #10: "The Law is a harsh mistress: The rigorous and exacting application of which can benefit of society when used correctly to advance good policy and block bad, and be the bane of society when used incorrectly to advance bad policy and block good."
Rule #11: "Public service often involves waking up in the morning, opening up the newspaper, and discovering that someone, somewhere out there thinks that you're a dickhead."
Rule #12: "No one really knows what you do."
Rule #13 [Luke's Rule]: "No one ever acts like the bastard they really are."
Rule #14: "Bureaucracy endures."
Rule #15: "The longer you work in bureaucracy, the more Catch-22 resembles non-fiction."
Rule #16: "Politicians are not smarter than you."
Rule #18: "Money is not created equal."
Rule #19: "Mediocrity is normalcy."
Rule #17: "Within any bureaucratic structure, resources (e.g. people, money, knowledge, etc.) are not distributed uniformly."
Rule #20: "Don't assume a fiduciary liability without a committed resource allocation."
Rule #21: "If you do your job and obey the law, they can't reasonably fire you."
Rule #22: "The Budget will always be wrong."
Rule #23: "Always sign in blue."
Rule #24: "A Bureaucrat must be able to explain and justify his/her actions to laymen without resorting to the phrase 'because the Rules say so.'"
Rule #25: "Never voluntarily relinquish control of an original document."
Rule #26: "Sometimes you just have to say 'Screw the rules'"
Rule #27: "Change sucks."
Rule #28: "Sometimes the answer is 'No.'"
Rule #29: "It is very easy to make difficult decisions when no one has a clue what's going on."
Rule #30: "If you hang around long enough, eventually you will become an expert in something."
Rule #31: "Data, technology, and automatic processes can never completely supplant human interaction."
Rule #32: "Cover thine own ass."
Rule #33: "It's not real until it has its own acronym."
Rule #34:There is nothing more dangerous than an elected, resourceful idiot.
Rule #35: It will always take longer than expected.
Rule #36: Coming Soon...

Monday, April 21, 2008

Victim 2008 - Dan Deasy Edition

Saw the following in someone's yard over the weekend and actually had to go back to get a picture:

Read it closely folks. See if you can spot the eror(s).

By now, of course, our regular readers know this means war... this time in easily forwardable Motivational Poster form:

And Finally...

13 comments:

Anonymous said...: Oh, the last one made me laugh out loud. Beautiful!; 9:35 PM
Jason Haas said...: Well done, ABD, well done.; 1:08 AM
Anonymous said...: and while we are on the topic of screwed up stuff. Let's give props to Kathy Baker Knoll - pointing out that Onorato and Ravenstahl "these two men can't stand women." at Market Sq.

Tell it like it is Kathy!!!! - Onorato and Luke don't like women. Pro Life and don't see the big picture on domestic violence.

I laughed my butt off when I saw the news. http://kdka.com/; 8:32 AM
Bram Reichbaum said...: Leaderhip is funny ... am I the only one who thinks "Your Choice Is Easy Vote" is funny too? Sounds like bad translation from the makers of an old Nintendo game, or Mr. Sparkle.; 10:08 AM
Jason Togyer said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 12:09 PM
Jason Togyer said...: Using Dan Deasy for lucky best wash!

Yes, the first line is wrong, too. I noticed that before "leaderhip."

Whoever designed that sign is a hithead.; 12:11 PM
Anonymous said...: WELL I AM NOT VOTING FOR THE PERSON WHO MADE THE SIGN,I AM VOTING FOR THE BEST PERSON FOR THE JOB AND THAT WILL BE DAN DEASY.HE HAS PROVEN WHAT HE CAN DO IN THIS DISTRICT AND WILL NOW PROVE WHAT HE CAN DO IN THIS STATE.CONGRATS DAN; 11:24 PM
Anonymous said...: DAN DAN DAN!; 12:47 AM
Anonymous said...: I hate to be picky, but in a post deriding someone else for their mistakes, do you think you could hit spell check and make sure you spell "error" correctly? Funny post, though.; 2:53 PM
O said...: anonymous 11:24: I can only assume that you were the one in charge of formatting the sign. Two minute penalty for abuse of the CAPS LOCK.

matt h: We look forward to Dan bringing his stellar councilmatic leaderhip to the State House. Hopefully one day someone will run for the 2nd Council District that isn't looking at it as a stepping stone to another job.

anonymous 2:53: The disclaimer at the bottom of the page does not clearly state that those without sufficient grasp of all manner of irony should not read this blog. This will, however, be corrected just for you.; 6:37 PM
Invisi-Gal said...: This sign better be plucked from this spot after the election or else it would show poor leadersh-t.; 9:59 AM
Bram Reichbaum said...: Oh my goodness, I just figured it out.

"Your choice is easy.
Vote Dan Deasy."

See, it rhymes.; 6:57 PM
Cialis Online said...: Nice post, I was doing some other search and your article caught my attention.; 5:23 PM

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Monday, April 21, 2008

Victim 2008 - Dan Deasy Edition

13 comments:

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