Community Benefits Agreement

By now, everyone has heard that the One Hill group has officially signed on to a community benefits agreement with the Pittsburgh Penguins, the City and the County. Among the items that were agreed upon were:

• Provide $2 million, including $1 million from the Penguins, to finance a grocery store or other economic "anchor."

• Create a Neighborhood Partnership Program, giving businesses state tax credits for contributing to neighborhood development projects. Coalition officials said the program could draw $6 million over 12 years.

• Give Hill District residents preference for arena-related jobs and commit the parties to the creation of family-sustaining jobs, with health benefits, in the 28-acre Mellon Arena redevelopment zone.

• Establish a career center, partly funded for two years by the city and county, and require government officials to help the YMCA of Greater Pittsburgh develop a multipurpose center for youths, families and seniors.

• Require the city and county to fund a master plan for Hill development.

Like many of these types of deals, however, there were many items that were left, as it were, on the cutting room floor. Among these items were:

• Mario Lemieux must buy a fried chicken franchise on Webster Avenue, and offer free chicken every time Sidney Crosby scores.

• The Penguins must publish a pamphlet on famous black hockey players.

• The One Hill coalition will provide one first round draft pick.

• Tonya Payne will shave off her playoff beard.

• Luke Ravenstahl will receive a four minute major for game misconduct.

• One Hill Chair Carl Redwood will suit up as mascot "Iceberg" for 20 games a year.

• Ron Burkle will ghost write an 11th play for the August Wilson cycle, regarding the tribulations of cross checking in the black community.

• Dan Onorato will continue to suck up to the unions as part of his quest for the Governorship (Ed. Note - This was added back in at the last minute).

• SEA Executive Director Mary Contoro gets one free punch at anyone, any time.

• In addition to a Save-a-Lot grocery store, the Hill will receive a Kings Family Restaurant.

• Hill Leadership will stop taking credit for the work of their predecessors.

• The City has to explain what exactly the Stadium Authority does.

• Everyone will agree that "half-a-loaf" is better than "no-loaf at all."

No word, however, if people that opposed the agreement now will be allowed to claim credit for any success in the future.