County Executive Calls on Municipalities to Merge, Form Voltron

Allegheny County Chief Executive Dan Onorato met with about 20 local lawmakers Saturday to include them in discussions about forming a giant Japanese mecha robot to defeat the rising costs of pension debt and the evil King Zarkon from planet Doom.

In April, Onorato announced his support for a city-county merger after a 13-member Citizens Advisory Committee led by University of Pittsburgh Chancellor Mark A. Nordenberg released a study recommending consolidation. The Advisory Commission was heavily influenced by the success of Lexington Kentucky, 450 hours of bootleg anime, and about three bags of pot.

According to the study, the Pittsburgh Region, was originally one unified piece but was tricked by the witch Haggar into landing on a black comet with nearly the gravitational attraction of a singularity. The Region was then attacked by Haggar, and somehow blown into five pieces, which formed the five lions.

Onorato said that the land, sea and air teams must reform in order to maintain regional competitiveness and to defeat the Drule Empire.

Republican lawmakers were skeptical.

"I think we need to be sure that there are no loopholes that result in communities having to pick up the debt of other municipalities," said state Rep. Randy Vulakovich, R-Shaler. "And we still have to be careful about the formation of the Drule mecha and the Dracotron."

Pittsburgh Mayor Luke Ravenstahl is in favor of a similar merger plan, based on The Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers, which he has dubbed "wicked awesome." Critics, however, have asked that he get off their damned lawns.

Discussions will continue in Harrisburg this week.