Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Hillary Clinton Vows to Take Nomination, Unveils Giant Moon-based Laser

(AP) Indianapolis - On the heals of recent announcements that she would stay in the race until the convention and that she would try to get delegates from both Michigan and Florida, Senator Hillary Clinton has unveiled a giant lunar based laser.

Speaking in front of supporters in Mechanics Hall in Downtown Indianapolis, Senator Clinton appeared before her army of jack booted minions.

"They laughed at us when they said we were finished. They laughed at us when they said we should give up. But, now is the time that they will tremble before us. Now is the time that we shall crush our enemies beneath our heals. Behold! I bring to you the Clinton Lunar Death Ray, which will wipe out all these puny delegates, unless the DNC capitulates to our demands."

The Obama campaign denounced the moon laser as "the last act of a desperate candidate."

"She knows now that she can't get the nomination. She's only trying to forestall the inevitable," said senior Obama advisor retired General Merrill McPeak, who has been advising the campaign on foreign policy matters and giant space lasers.

"Besides, she knows that Senator Obama has hidden the plans for her moon base inside of an R2 unit and, once the plans are analyzed, it is only a matter of time before the rebellion finds a weakness. Even something as small as a 3 meter exhaust port could prove fatal."

Senator Clinton brushed off this criticism and, through a spokesman, called on Senator Obama to "embrace the inevitability of his doom".

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