Monday, September 29, 2008

Bailout This Post

You may have noticed that our posting count has been down quite a bit this month over previous months. By current count, we are down about 14% from August, which, this blog has seen an increase over the previous year, investors have expected this blog to improve its post count. Our auditors have noticed that our idea liquidity has been down recently, with not enough good ideas to cover future postings, and they fear that this may negatively impact our hit count.

How did we get to this point?

Back in the early 2000s, when blogging was in its infancy, folks like Alan Greenspan developed policies that promoted blogs, almost to the point of "irrational exuberance." As more and more people started to write blogs during the last decade, more and more people started visiting blogs, cross-posting and referencing each other. This inflated the value of blogs; hit counts went up and everyone was happy.

But many of these blogs were poorly written and people visited them without realizing that they were bad, unfunny, or just lame. Still, the mainstream media picked up on these poorly written blogs, not knowing about their quality, and repackaged them into legitimate content, which was sold to advertisers.

Now, this whole "scheme" has started to crumble.

The Blurghosphere is now facing a crisis of confidence; if this blog fails others may fail too. If the Blurghosphere fails, so may other Regional blog communities, and then maybe issue based blog communities. In time, this cancer could spread to places like DailyKos or Little Green Footballs. Those blogs are just too big too fail.

Clearly, there's only one solution: stop this freefall before it stops.

And there's only one way to do it: pay me $700 Billion in order to up my post count.

Oversight in unnecessary, of course, the responsibility of $700 billion is so awesome, that no one could conceivably waste it or abuse the power.

Others may suggest that the government take an active role, purchasing shares of this blog, in order to prop it up. This suggestion, however, is based on the faulty assumption that because we have the word "Bureaucrat" in our title, we are somehow implicitly backed by the government.

Without immediate government intervention, all online content may breakdown and we may find ourselves in a great online recession, and New Media pioneers may be forced to get real jobs.

This is a tragedy that can still be averted.


headbang8 said...

Yes, ADB. The proof is in Sitemeter.

My blog was once worth as much as twenty minutes of a casual reader's time. Now, I can't get a good minute and a half.

Damn you, The Internet!

Bram Reichbaum said...

Oh my goodness. That was a satire of two timely and totally distinct subjects at once, was it not? That's incredible.