Monday, September 15, 2008

Stock Market Falls Down Well

(Reuters) New York City - A 216 year old stock exchange is trapped and suffering from major injuries after a severe tumble down a well on Wall Street.

The New York Stock Exchange was playing with risky sub prime mortgages with her friends Freddie Mac, Fannie Mae, and two of the Lehman Brothers, when she slipped on the lid of the well and fell in.

"The well lid crumbled to pieces," by-stander Ben Bernake told reporters.

The Exchange fell over 400 feet, although she managed to pull herself up several dozen feet, before falling down another hundred feet. The well contains questionable derivatives and bovine fecal material, Security and Exchange Commissioners said.

Authorities are not sure if she is actually at the bottom of the well, or merely holding on halfway down.

Her sister quickly ran inside her Uncle Sam's house to get help, but he was out to lunch. The authorities were notified late Sunday, and only arrived this morning.

Reports of similar such incidents worldwide could not be confirmed.

Many in the neighborhood blame the Government for allowing the Exchange to play near the well, although others point out that she had been previously warned about risky behavior. Earlier this year, neighbor Warren Buffet had posted a warning sign next to the well, only to have it torn down by local "hooligans."

A small minority of residents believe that the Exchange should have to crawl out of the well on her own, pointing out that "this is the only way she'll ever learn."

Still, emergency crews are holding a guarded vigil tonight, hoping to rescue the girl with a series of leveraged bailouts. Failing that, according to the police, they will continue to throw items down the hole until she can climb out.

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