We Get Letters...

I got an email from a reader looking for personal advice. I thought I'd share:

Dear ADB,

I very recently became involved with a smart, hot, professional woman for, what I hoped would be, a long term relationship. We were at a party together and, I don't know if I was drunk or what, but we made out for awhile and I asked her if she wanted to go out.

Now, most of my friends like her (they've never really be fond of my other interests in potential mates), but it turns out that she's kind of wacky. She has a couple of kids, which I can deal with, but one of those kids is also having a kid. She didn't tell me that. Also, turns out she'd some sort of state secessionist, a creationist, and a book burner. And I finally found out what she does as a "profession". Believe me that kind of "professional experience" is not the quality I want in someone who's supposed to be with me. The more I find out about her, the more she just seems to have all kinds of issues that I didn't know about.

I don't know how I'm going to break this to her, as she's going to be devastated, or my friends, who really, really want us together.

Help!

John M.

Dear John,

The last thing you want to do in this situation is to string this woman along when you know that there's no hope in it working out long term. I understand that love is blind, and we often go into these things without fully understanding or even knowing anything about our potential mates. If you want someone, however, to truly be able to stand by you and help you out in the long term, you're not going to just pick whomever your friends want you to hook up with.

We all make mistakes sometimes. It's best to learn from these mistakes, however, else they become habits. You don't sound like the kind of person that would continually make poor decisions, almost as if you have no real control over your own life.

Don't worry about your friends. If they like you only for the person that you're dating, they aren't really your friends.

If you think it's uncomfortable now, think about how awful it's going to be in four months or even four years! Best to break it off now while you can still save face and before you end up at a big party, having to explain why she's drunk and claiming loudly that she's the mayor of some podunk Alaskan town.

You'll find someone new who respects you for who you are, and not just some bit of arm candy.

Best of luck!

-O
The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat