Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Report: City Road Maintenance Could Be Improved

An in depth report indicating that Pittsburgh can do a better job in road plowing, patching, paving was released today by the City's Friggin' Obvious Department.

"You see you have these street in the City, right? And they need fixed, right? So we should fix them," said Department Director Noah S. Sherlock. "And when it snows, we should plow those roads, unless it doesn't snow."

The Report found that years of deferred maintenance on bridges, roads, and other public right-of-ways meant that future costs of repairs were larger, and not smaller as was initially believed by elected officials. It is easier to fix a small problem now when it is small, then a large problem in the future when it is large.

This revelation came as a shock to the Mayor's Office, who released a statement saying that they were were unaware that "a lot" was more than "a little."

In a polling of City residents, when asked which road or street was most in need of repair, nearly 95% of respondents said "My Street." Director of Public Works Guy Costa was immediately dispatched to service My Street, which was later discovered to be My Way, and exist in the Municipality of Monroeville.

Data also indicates that residents complaints to the City's 3-1-1 line increased dramatically (over 1000%) from 2006 to 2007, although the relationship between this increase and the beginning of the 3-1-1 line still remains inconclusive.

Last year, the Ravenstahl Administration spent $100,000 in grant money to research the best way to lower the temperature of ice so that it would melt and not be a road hazard. After several attempts, researchers discovered that "salt" could be poured onto streets to actually lower the melting point of the ice. Streets that did not receive "salt" treatments were more likely to remain hazardous. The Department of Public works now "salts" more than 50% of the streets in the City.

Mr. Sherlock also revealed that potholes could be filled in by digging out a square of asphalt around the hole, cleaning out debris and water, filling it with patching material, compacting it, and sealing the edges. City officials have said they use first few parts of that method, but do not have the resources to fill the holes yet.

"By not filling in the holes, they are letting the potholes remain," he said.

This is the first report out of the Department of the Friggin' Obvious since its creation out of the City's Bureau of What Are You Stupid or Something? and the Commission of I Can't Believe I Pay You For This! The Department plans to release further studies on the appearance of water on roads during rainstorms and on where Pittsburgh goes when the lights are turned off.


Coregis said... thru the nose and onto the keyboard...

This WILL cost you a beer....

The Expatriate said...

Hmmm...based on my experience in Philadelphia, Pittsburgh's roads aren't that bad. The plowing in particular is quite good given the constant snow this city receives. No city, at least in developed nations, has more potholes than Philly.

Anonymous said...

"based on my experience in Philadelphia, Pittsburgh's roads aren't that bad."

Talk about setting the bar too low.

Also, does anybody know when to expect the report on spitting into the wind. I'm tired of tobacco stains on my shirt.

Tim Murray said...

This is off-topic and breaking news: Chad Hermann is returning – but not to his old blog. On Monday, he’ll start blogging at That’s one hell of an audience, and I understand he’s going to cut loose. I am just glad that I’ve always been nice to him.

O said...

So Hermann is slumming it, eh? I guess this is what happens when the P-G can't pay for real writers anymore.

(I kid, of course. Good luck Chad!)