Baucus Healthcare Plan "Mostly Filler"

(Reuters) Washington D.C. - Senate Finance Committee Chairman Max Baucus unveiled a much anticipated health care reform plan Wednesday containing nearly 90% filler, including graphs, charts, pictures, and other miscellaneous items.

The plan does not call for a government run insurance option, as advocated by President Obama and most Democrats, but does contain nearly 50 pages of pictures of cats with silly, anthropomorphic captions.

Baucus (D-MT) released the plan aimed at overhauling America's care system ahead of a vote scheduled in the Finance Committee for next week. After weeks of negotiations, it became clear that most of the proposed bill, aimed at pulling some bipartisan support, contained long, drawn out character back-stories and snippets of 1994 sitcoms.

"The cost of America's broken health care system has stretched families, businesses and the economy too far for too long," he said in a statement. "The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror, if anything I can say this cab is rare, but I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'."

Although Baucus held more than 100 hours of meetings over several weeks with a bipartisan group of Senate health-care negotiators known as the "Gang of Six," most of the plan was written by staffers at the last minute, in an all night drafting session yesterday.

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs called the bill "very poor work" and threatened that Senator Baucus may have to repeat his term if he doesn't "step up".

Senator Baucus said he plans on doubling his efforts on his final thesis "Actualizing the Potentiality of Multivariable Analysis Across Different Financial Vectors," which is currently made up entirely of the first 30 pages of the phone book.

Above: Page 27 from the Baucus proposal