The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: G-20 Protest Updates

The Rules of Bureaucracy

Rule #O: "The Rules of Bureaucracy are mutable, non-canonical, non-ordinal, and contradictory, except in the cases where they are not."
Rule #1: "Document everything you do; if you didn't write it down, it didn't happen."
Rule #2 [The Sixty Minutes Rule]: "Never do anything that would cause Ed Bradley, Mike Wallace, Morley Safer, Steve Croft, Leslie Stahl, or even Andy Rooney to persue you down a hallway with a camera crew."
Rule #3: "Nothing Simple is Ever Easy"
Rule #4: "It's about the money; follow the money."
Rule #5: "Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Rule #6: "Politics is the enemy of good government."
Rule #7: "The biggest detriment to public service is the public."
Rule #8: "The second biggest detriment to public service is the service."
Rule #9: "There's a reason; there's ALWAYS a reason."
Rule #10: "The Law is a harsh mistress: The rigorous and exacting application of which can benefit of society when used correctly to advance good policy and block bad, and be the bane of society when used incorrectly to advance bad policy and block good."
Rule #11: "Public service often involves waking up in the morning, opening up the newspaper, and discovering that someone, somewhere out there thinks that you're a dickhead."
Rule #12: "No one really knows what you do."
Rule #13 [Luke's Rule]: "No one ever acts like the bastard they really are."
Rule #14: "Bureaucracy endures."
Rule #15: "The longer you work in bureaucracy, the more Catch-22 resembles non-fiction."
Rule #16: "Politicians are not smarter than you."
Rule #18: "Money is not created equal."
Rule #19: "Mediocrity is normalcy."
Rule #17: "Within any bureaucratic structure, resources (e.g. people, money, knowledge, etc.) are not distributed uniformly."
Rule #20: "Don't assume a fiduciary liability without a committed resource allocation."
Rule #21: "If you do your job and obey the law, they can't reasonably fire you."
Rule #22: "The Budget will always be wrong."
Rule #23: "Always sign in blue."
Rule #24: "A Bureaucrat must be able to explain and justify his/her actions to laymen without resorting to the phrase 'because the Rules say so.'"
Rule #25: "Never voluntarily relinquish control of an original document."
Rule #26: "Sometimes you just have to say 'Screw the rules'"
Rule #27: "Change sucks."
Rule #28: "Sometimes the answer is 'No.'"
Rule #29: "It is very easy to make difficult decisions when no one has a clue what's going on."
Rule #30: "If you hang around long enough, eventually you will become an expert in something."
Rule #31: "Data, technology, and automatic processes can never completely supplant human interaction."
Rule #32: "Cover thine own ass."
Rule #33: "It's not real until it has its own acronym."
Rule #34:There is nothing more dangerous than an elected, resourceful idiot.
Rule #35: It will always take longer than expected.
Rule #36: Coming Soon...

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

G-20 Protest Updates

Our intrepid spies have been following the twitterbookfeeds, or something, and have cobbled together a list of tomorrow's pre-G-20 protests:

People Unclear on the Concept Against Teabaggers - 9:00 AM, Grant Street - "Down with James Lipton!"

Pyromaniacs United - 9:30 AM, corner of Frankstown and Larimer Avenues - "Gee, that Looks Flamable"

American Nihilist Association - 10:30 AM, Corner of Forbes Avenue and Boulevard of the Allies - "Give Us Nothing or Give Us Death"

United States Plywood Distributors - 11:00, S. 10th Street - "It would be a Shame if Your Store Windows Got... Broke."

Pittsburgh Downtown Workers - Noon to 2:00PM, Various Locations - "We don't care about Darfur, AIDS, or Bailouts, Just Let us Eat our Bologna Sandwich in Peace!"

Senator Jim Ferlo's Traveling Razzmatazz Circus - 12:15 PM, in the Allegheny Courthouse Courtyard - "We haven't had a protest in 20 minutes"

Pittsburgh Related Dadists (Moo!) - 2:30 PM, in the Macy's Men's Ware Department, Near the Ties Downtown - "I Can't Believe I Said 'BONG!'"

The Bilderberg Group - 4:00 PM, Duquesne Club - "Obey Your Corporate Masters!" (Scotch and Cigars to follow)

Lost G20 Protester Support Group - 5:00 PM, Greyhound Bus Terminal - "Dude! This guy Chad was totally supposed to pick us up."

Local Public Safety Officers - 5:30, Various Locations - "Here Hippie, Hippie, Hippie!"

3 comments:

MH said...: People who fear Edgewood - 3:00 to 6:00 p.m. Monday through Friday, Parkway East, outbound, right in front of the tunnel.; 11:04 PM
Sherry Pasquarello said...: yep, you pretty much have it covered; 5:43 PM
Conservative Mountaineer said...: Mayor Ravenstahl, All Day Thursday and Friday - "Where are the [Sports] Celebrities?"; 7:52 PM

The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat

Pages

About Me

The Rules of Bureaucracy

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet...

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

G-20 Protest Updates

3 comments:

Recorded in the Office of the Prothonotary

Public Comment Period

Other Blogs

Other Public Servants

Adjourned sine die

The Filing Cabinet