Box of Rocks Elected City Council President

A bitterly divided Pittsburgh City Council reached a surprise decision in the race for its new president today, picking A Box of Rocks in a 5-4 vote.

The struggle for Council Presidency had coalesced around Councilmen Rev. Ricky Burgess and Bill Peduto, but when neither of them could muster the necessary 5 votes, both camps scrambled over the weekend to find a compromise candidate.

Council broke into two camps: one supporting A Bag of Hammers and the other supporting A Sharp Marble. Mayor Luke Ravenstahl's office lobbied extensively for A Bag of Hair, in an effort to thwart opponents on council.

In early morning conferences, however, A Box of Rocks was identified as a potential compromise candidate and quickly garnered the necessary 5 votes to win.

Before election to council, A Box of Rocks was previously in charge of the City's "Lights on While No One's Home" Program, and more recently headed the "Elevator Short of Top Floor" and "Extracting Water in Boots with Instructions Written on Heel" Commissions. Representatives from the Sharp Knives in Drawers Organization, a City Government watchdog group, says that "A Box of Rocks provides the intellectual leadership that Council deserves."