Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Police, City Agree on Anal Retentive Contract

The ADB Department of Misread Headlines is reporting today that the City of Pittsburgh and the Fraternal Order of Police have reached an anal retentive contract.

Details of the pact are not immediately available, but speculation is that the new contract would involve new methods of paperwork, hourly hand washing, alphabetically organizing crime scenes, and new, super pressed uniforms. One could surmise that the popular fascination with such shows as C.S.I., C.S.I.: Miami, C.S.I.: NY, N.C.I.S., and Monk has forced the police to pay more attention to details, lest their work be called into question in court.

Annual raises, it is reported, will be calculated out to five significant digits and any extra money left over from rounding will be left to accrue interest at 1.298%.

It is now up to both the Intergovermental Cooperation Authority and the Act 47 Overseers, both masters of minutiae, to approve the anal retentive plan, dot all the T's and cross all the I's.

More details tomorrow in ADB+.

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