Small World/Small Town

I like to say that Pittsburgh is the biggest small town in the world. The degrees of separation between any two people, excluding hermits, are ridiculously small. If Kevin Bacon were from Pittsburgh, everyone would have a Kevin Bacon number of 2.. 3 at max.

Anyway, with that in mind, and not to step on anyone's toes, I saw this little gem of a news headline from the P-G:

The Pennsylvania Gaming Control Board released the percentages of ownership for 14 casino applications today, including three competitors for the lone stand-alone casino in Pittsburgh.

It shows that Cleveland-based Forest City Enterprises owns 75 percent of a group seeking a casino license for Station Square, but other prominent Pittsburghers, including ex-Steeler Franco Harris, own the rest.

Mr. Harris has 4 percent of Station Square Gaming, the group seeking the license, with local businessmen William Lieberman and Charles Zappala owning 9 percent each. Prominent lawyer Glen Mahone, chairman of the Allegheny County Airport Authority, and Yvonne Cook, an aide to former county Executive Jim Roddey, are down for 2 percent and 1 percent respectively.

Those of you with a memory greater than a gold fish (three seconds) will remember that those of you with a memory greater than a gold fish (three seconds) will remember that those of you with a memory greater than a gold fish (three seconds) will remember that those of you with a memory greater than a gold fish (three seconds) will remember this article from the P-G not too long ago:

Each of the executives [nonappointed business figures with close ties to Mr. O'Connor's inner circle] are connected in varying ways, the most prominent being their joint participation in a slot casino bid from Forest City Enterprises and Harrah's Entertainment, the group hoping to get a license for Station Square. They include:

Charles Zappala, who works for Downtown-based venture capital firm G&Z Investments and co-founder of RRZ Public Markets, a municipal bond underwriter bought by JP Morgan in 2003. A donor to the O'Connor campaign last year, Mr. Zappala is a local partner in the Harrah's bid. His nephew, Greg Zappala, helped the city refinance $243 million in debt in May.

Glenn Mahone. A partner at Reed Smith, Mr. Mahone is the solicitor for the Intergovernmental Cooperation Authority, an oversight board created in 2004 by the state Legislature to help Pittsburgh deal with its financial problems. ICA's headquarters is in Reed Smith's Downtown building, on Sixth Avenue. Reed Smith received $60,000 in May for its work assisting the city with the $243 million refinancing. Mr. Mahone also is a local partner in the Forest City/Harrah's casino bid. His law firm gave new deputy mayor Yarone Zober his first job out of law school.

Bill Lieberman. An insurance broker and O'Connor fund-raiser, Mr. Lieberman was chairman of the ICA for parts of 2004 and last year. Mr. Lieberman was part of an effort in March to steer a city health care consulting contract held by Towers Perrin to his former firm, Hilb Rogal & Hobbs, according to the president of Hilb Rogal's Pittsburgh office. (Mr. Lieberman said he did not try to orchestrate a contract switch). A former Hilb Rogal executive, Mr. Lieberman still shares an office with his former firm and collects fees or commission if he brings in new work.

But, of course, this is all old news to us: in a City with Kevin Bacon numbers near zero, it's obvious that such fundraisers turned casino investors would have close ties to the Mayor. Certainly no one would consider such close between old friends to be anything other than above the boards.

Of course, in a City where your SO's plumber's mother is in a church group with your mother, such propinquity is hard to avoid. How else could you explain it?

Anger (pt 2)

More things that piss me off:

• Tourists - It is not my fault that you don't know where you are going. Now get out of my way!
• People That Don't Vote - If you don't vote, you lose your right to bitch. If you really care that much, you can at least show up and vote "present".
  
• Local News - I get enough death, blood, and mayhem in the course of my duties, thank you. I don't need commercials too.
  
• Places without Sidewalks - The oldest form of human transportation suffers another setback.
  
• Places without Sidewalks, but with Bus Stops - Why don't you put a giant bullseye on the pedestrians?
  
• Micromanagement - If you wanted to do it yourself, why didn't you do it in the first place?
  
• People that Don't Step to the Rear of the Bus - Yes, I really want to push past your three hundred pound, back pack laden ass... thank you.
  
• Accountants - You're an accountant; account for yourself!
• Agency X - Yes, you know who you are. Try doing your job for once.
  
• People Who's First Reaction is to Sue - You realize that you are responsible for the downfall of this country, right?
  
• Existentialism - Camus was a prick; so was Heidiegger. Both probably lived in Mt. Oliver.
  

Grrr... more anger to come in Part 3

Anger (pt 1)

As Ms. Monongahela notes over at her place, anger and drunkeness are not mutually exclusive. We've noticed, however, that this blog spends an awful lot of time talking about Bureaucracy and Drinking, and awfully little time talking about Anger. We do not wish to give the impression to our loyal readership (all five of them) that we are not a pent up ball of fury.

Indeed, we are filled with the kind of rage that would have put that good night of Dylan Thomas back on Standard Time.

So, I've put aside tonight's filing, cracked open a beer, and present some of the things (in no particular order) that piss me off:

• "Apple-tinis", "Chocolate Martinis", and other "-ini" drinks of their ilk - A Martini can be Vodka or Gin; Straight-up or On the Rocks... that's it. Everything else is a fucking bastard drink.
  
• Commercials with too Much Subtext - I don't want to spend 30 seconds trying to figure out why Dad isn't invited on the goddamned weekend car trip or why the interracial couple has adopted hispanic children.
  
• Atlas Shrugged, by Ayn Rand - A fucking waste of paper for people who act like self-righteous assholes.
  
• Supposedly Educated People that Say Words Like "Irregardless" or "Axe" (instead of "ask") - Stop sounding like a fucking idiot!
  
• Whoever Has Been Stealing my Shit - I will fucking shoot you with my Government issued crossbow!
• People That Have Somehow Gotten Hold of My Email Address - No, I can't solve you immediately urgent problem: that's not my job... it's not even my department... or my agency. Do you even KNOW my fucking job?
  
• Children - I swear to God, if you don't settle down, I will give you something to cry about.
  
• Parents - The above is your fault, you realize. I will also give you something to cry about when I rip off those parts that created those little hell spawn.
  
• Anything with the Word "Freedom" in its Name - If you really had "freedom" would you really need reminded all the time. Sort of like the guys that drive Hummers: if you had a huge penis, you wouldn't need to advertise that your penis was huge.
  
• People from Outside the City of Pittsburgh that Call Themselves "Pittsburghers" - Hey! I suffered through the Murphy administration, and you're from fucking Wexford!
  
• The Borough of Mt. Oliver - Pricks!
• "Popped Collars" on Golf Shirts - It looked like shit in the 80s, why do you think that it looks good now?
  
• Whatever Has Been Eating My Garden - Just look what happened to the asshole that was stealing my shit.
  
• The Weak Dollar - Takes away half of the charm of a cheap Canadian vacation.
  

OK, that's all for now. I'm too pissed off to continue. More in Part 2.

Things You Should Have Known (Had You Been Paying Attention)

If you were reading the Post-Gazette (or, for those of you that refuse to read such liberal smut, using it to line your bird cages) you may have noticed this article about the impending departure of recently sacked Mayoral Chief of Staff B.J. Leber from the board of the URA.  The article wanes about halfway through, but picks up with a (seemingly) irrelevant piece of Downtown Redevelopment news, to wit:

The [URA] board is expected to move forward tomorrow with a proposal by the History & Landmarks Foundation to renovate three vacant buildings at Fifth Avenue and Market Street for retail and housing.

The URA plans to purchase a deteriorating building at 439 Market from the city for $40,000, plus costs, and then sell it and two adjacent URA-owned structures to Landmarks Development Corp., a History & Landmarks subsidiary, for $257,000. The price would have been $300,000 were it not for a $43,000 credit History & Landmarks is getting to complete demolition on the city-owned building, which adjacent property owners have described as a hazard in danger of collapse.

One of the URA-owned structures involved is the old Regal Shoe Co., a favorite of preservationists. Mr. Dettore said History & Landmarks intends to keep the facades of all three buildings.

He said the foundation is considering either apartments or condos for the upper floors of the buildings and retail on the ground level. He views the project as a complement to much larger Fifth and Forbes initiatives, including the new PNC skyscraper, which will include housing, a hotel, and offices.

This is the same property, by the way, that the URA and City refused to sell to PH&LF back in August.   

Had you been paying attention to some of my previous posts, you would have remembered this little gem from back in August, in which I made mention that Pittsburgh History and Landmarks Foundation is, in so many words, a Dicky Cougar-Mellon-Scaife Production (tm).  And, if you recall as I do, that the other arms of the Scaife Leviathan (including the Trib and the Allegheny Institute) have been not so fond of the previous attempts to "revitalize downtown".  I find it interesting, therefore, that PH&LF has yanked its dusty ol' Landmarks Development Corp off the shelf in order to "help" the City in the development of downtown (and presumably receive some additional financial "help" of its own).

Could it be that Mr. Scaife was visited by the ghosts of Pittsburgh Past, Present, and Future and he's now mended his evil ways?  Could Mr. Scaife and the LD Corp. have found a way to make money on a project where so many others have failed?  Or could this just be an insidious plot to stab at the political corpse of his arch-nemesis, Tom Murphy? 

Me?  Having seen Murder on the Orient Express one too many times, I guess I can see the allure of corpse stabbing. 

Election Results: Lieberman Victory

We here at The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat are ready to call tonight's election: with 81% of the precincts reporting, we predict Joe Lieberman (D-CT) to beat Cynthia McKinney (D-GA) 48% to 38%.

News from Grant Street

Deputy Mayor Yarone Zober (age 31) and City Council President Luke Ravenstahl (age 25) have reached agreement on a new City Solicitor, the seven month old foetus of City Law department clerk Jan Morrison, the soon-to-be born Zack or Stephanie Morrison. Mr. or Ms. Morrison will replace Susan Mallie (age 40) who was removed as part of a shakeup that also saw the departure of Mayoral Chief of Staff B.J. Leber (age 63) and Finance Director Paul Leger (age 82). The foetus was chosen over several other members of the City Law Department due to its personal loyalty to O'Connor (age 99), although political pundits are pointing to a $1,000 donation made in the final days of the November campaign.

Announcing the agreement, 138 year old Mayoral Spokesman Dick Skrinjar told reporters to get off his damned lawn or they'll never get their Frisbee back. Mr. Skrinjar then removed to his office to watch reruns of Matlock (age 12,073).

This announcement comes on the heels of the appointment of Bill Peduto (age unknown) protege Jonathan Soisson's (age 7) as Finance Director. Mr. Soisson has pledged to work with the Act 47 Board as well as the ICA, complete fiscal discipline, and to share the big red firetruck in the toybin.

Grant Street insiders predict the role of Chief of Staff to go to the Glint-in-William Lieberman's Milkman's Eye (age TBA). The anouncement is expected following nap-time tomorrow.

This, of Course, Surprises No One

BREAKING NEWS FROM THE POST GAZETTE:

Mayor Bob O'Connor appointed Yarone S. Zober, the city's policy director and recent appointee as general services director, to serve as deputy mayor today.

I'm not sure what the opposite of "coming out of left-field" is, but this is it.

Makes you wonder, however, what would happen if O'Connor should, God forbid, take a turn for the worst. The obvious answer is that the President of Council would take over... interestingly enough, the only one in City Government younger than Mr. Zober, Luke Ravenstahl.

The Home Rule Charter, however, is unclear as to who would take over should the Mayor be only marginally capable and unwilling to resign from office, who would be in control? How do you determine if the Mayor is, in fact, incapable of fulfilling his duties?

I've purused the Charter and can't find the City of Pittsburgh's version of the 25th Amendment. Anyone willing to venture a guess?

Pointless Milestones

Woke up this morning and saw this on my counter:



At this rate, by June 20, 2009 I will have had over 1,280,000 visitors. I hope that I have enough chairs for everyone.

A big thanks to Dave and Maria over at 2 Political Junkies for sending visitor two-oh-oh-oh-oh! my way.

Open Letter to Representative Jeff Habay

Dear Representative Mr. Habay,

I was shocked, as you evidently were, that you were so hastily sent to jail by, what I only assume you would consider, an activist judiciary. It truly is a shame that a convicted former member of the Pennsylvania State House can't get a few more months to attend his son's birthday party, especially considering the hall is already rented. I mean, seriously, what's a few more months between friends?

Anyway, aside from that "incident" eight years ago when I was charge with carnal knowledge of an '85 Yugo, my total experience in jail consists solely of TNT's Shawshank Redemption marathon. However, I do believe that I can provide some valuable helpful big-household hints. Think of me of your personal Martha Stewart, but in jail.

First, you don't look like a very threatening guy, so my guess is that you're going to be hassled by some of your fellow inmates. My advice is that either you're going to have to kill a guy, or you're going to have to become someone's bitch. Now, as you're obviously opposed to two men... you know... a shiv can be made by melting down the end of a toothbrush, and grinding it against concrete. Aim for between the third and fourth ribs. Otherwise, your hands look delicate and your mouth is purdy.

Second, cigarettes are currency in the joint. I suggest you work whatever connections you have left in the GOP, and try to get your boys at Philip-Morris to get you a couple of cartons. Unless, that is, the tobacco industry isn't interested in dealing with nefarious scoundrels or people who engage in criminal activities.

Third, conjungal visit sex is some of the best sex in the world. It's even better with someone else.

Fourth, speaking of Mrs. Habay, she's going to have to learn how to "conceal" certain items, if you know what I mean. I suggest that she learn Yoga.

Fifth, try learning a skill while you're in the clink. My suggestion: law. I don't think that you could do worse by representing yourself.

Anyway, I hope that the delousing went well, and that your cellmate Bubba doesn't read the papers (or this blog). And, if Morgan Freeman is in there with you, I hear he can "get you things."

Best of luck,

"O"
The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat

The Incredible Shrinking State Legislature

Sounds like the State Legislature is trying to pull an Alice, and is about to have a taste of the cake that says "Eat Me"... or is it have a sip from the vial that says "Drink Me?" I can't remember, but suffice it to say that if I see Don Walko playing a bizarre variation on croquet with an anthropomorphised deck of cards or Michael Diven disappearing behind his own smile, I'm going to up my meds by at least half.

Anywho, I'm of mixed feelings about shrinking the size of the Legislature. On the one hand, I recognize the necessity of providing ample oportunity for citizens to be represented by their government and the further necessity to provide a multiplicity of varying viewpoints in the policy-making process.

On the other hand, I believe that politicians should generally be imprisoned shortly after taking their oath of office, in the name of expediency.

Obviously the biggest problem in any change of legislative districts is going to be how the Commonwealth draws the lines. Certain populations (Democrat/Republican; White/Black; Rich/Poor) will obviously be at risk of being excluded and/or have their votes minimized. Gerrymandering isn't just advocating for the elimination of television.

No, wait, that's Jerry Mander, my bad.

Anyway, I don't really buy it: no one really advocates for the elimination of his/her own job, let alone their own gravy train.