Friday, December 23, 2005

My Christmas Letter

Dear Mr. Claus,

I am in receipt of you gifts of December 25, 2004. I was very satisfied with the shirt and tie and the gift certificates to the various stores. They will and have been very useful. The "Sponge Bob Square Pants" underwear and the lime green and pink scarf, however, have not been used, although the thought is most appreciated.

With respect to my letter dated December 12, 1975, as subsequently and anually amended, I would like to include the following items to my list. This year, I have added in a few more esoteric items to complement the already sizable list that has accumulated:

1) A new filing system; things have been getting messy 'round the office;
2) An intern to do my bidding;
3) The borough of Mt. Oliver;
4) A new red Swingline Stapler;
5) Job Security;
6) Bob O'Connor's hair;
7) A new President, the current one is broken;
8) Or, if a new President is unavailable, World Peace, Love, and Understanding;
9) A Chia Pet;
10) A new tie.

Please note that the "Banana Rama" LP is no longer needed and should be struck off the list, as iTunes has provided me with all of their best works (both of them). Also, I no longer want anything "day-glo."

In closing, I must say that I was tremendously disappointed by last year's gifts. I'm hoping that you will be able to pick up the slack this year, and get me something worthy of my near stellar behavior.

If you have any questions, please contact me at the usual number.



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