Thursday, May 03, 2007

Smoking and Potholes

Two things have been festering in my brain for the last few days.

First: the smoking ban that was off, then on, then off again. Now, I'm not a smoker... well, normally. If you douse me in gasoline and put me near an open flame, I will smolder a little. However, I do not regularly inhale carcinogenic fumes voluntarily; instead, I drink carcinogenic liquids voluntarily.

Being a non smoker and all, this smoking ban is only going to encourage festering alcoholics like me to spend more time soaking our misery in gin, tonic, and a twist of lime. This can only lead to drinking things from test tubes, bad karaoke, and vomitting on Duquesne Light substations.

Second: potholes. Now, I know that it seems a big deal that local politicians are using their position to influence the paving of roads. However, what good are politicians if they can't do the bidding of their consituents? Hell, if I lived next to a council person, I would be on their doorstep every night demanding that they repair their own street.

Frankly, if we're going to use a computer system to choose how we are going to manage our roadways, I say we go whole hog and relinquish the control of our fair city to the machines.

Maybe then we'll find this Sarah Connor person.


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