Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Hill Group Meets With Media While Ravenstahl Battles Godzilla, UFO

Members of the One Hill Coalition today met with members of the media, as part of a tour of the Hill District, outlining the desired development outcomes from the community benefits agreement. The media tour was supposed to publicly press the case for a binding agreement between the Penguins, the City, County, and the residents of the Hill District.

This news was overshadowed by news that mayor Luke Ravenstahl personally battled both Godzilla and a UFO, saving, not only the Hill District, but also the entire City of Pittsburgh.

Mayoral spokesperson Joanna Doven produced a photo showing the City under attack adding that "shortly afterwards, the Mayor transformed into "Jet Luke" and defeated the monsters with "Robot Mayor Attack."

Ms. Doven commented that since 1990, the City has been saved no fewer than 240 times by certain destruction from giant monsters by the Mayor's Office.

Critics of Mr. Ravenstahl pointed out, however, that most of those attacks predate the current administration and that the mayor has little to no experience in actually defeating monsters.

One Hill CBA Coalition chair Carl Redwood added, "Besides, the photo's totally a fake. I mean, seriously. It looks like some amateur just got Photoshop and started sticking shit into a picture."

Ms. Doven brushed off such criticisms. "Mr. Ravenstahl is already prepared to fight both Mothra and Mechagodzilla sometime next week. Mayora Luku: de Panchi Panchi Panchi!"

The Administration photo showing Godzilla (left, background) and Carl Redwood (left, foreground) Possible Aliens shown in the right foreground.

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