Monday, January 28, 2008

State of the Union pt. I

Stupid Blogger crashed. Dammit all. Here are my live comments, tape delayed.

9:00

Is it sexist to say that Nancy's hair looks nice and purple looks good on her?

9:10

Hmmm, they aren't showing Nancy or Dick.

9:19

Earmarks are awful, evil even... but only when the other party does it.

9:21

NCLB results can't be denied alright... suck is suck.

9:24

Peru? Colombia? W's dealer caught a bit short?

9:25

False populism! Ha!

9:26

Nancy got a Post-It note?

9:27

Bush says that 116 million American taxpayers would see their taxes rise by $1,800. Is that Middle income Americans? I don't think so.

9:28

Trusting scientists? Didn't he veto stem cell funding twice? Who is this guy?

9:29

Oh, there's the divisive Bush we know and loathe: the monkey hybrid fearing Luddite.

9:30

Health care more affordable and accessible for all Americans? Isn't this the guy that vetoed health care for kids twice?

9:31

Judges who follow the letter of the law! From this guy? Which letter? Which law?

9:32

Oh, we're back on the Faith based, crap. Terrific. Funny to see how he's co-opting New Orleans and all.

9:34

Border security! Ariba! Ariba!

9:35

FREEDOM!

9:36

FREEDOM!

9:38

TERROR!

FREEDOM!

9:39

Afghanistan? We still there? Who knew?

9:40

And this section brought to you by The Surge, the most awesomest policy ever since Jesus.

9:41

The troops are wonderful and puppies are cute. If you think otherwise you're a goddamned Commie.

9:43

IRAN! WHOOOO!

9:44

Ah! Osama bin Laden. Glad to see he's pulling out the old stuff. Classic Bush was so much better before he sold out to Ticketmaster.

9:45

Bringing home the troops? In a thousand years, right Johnny Mac?

9:48

Iraq parliamentary bills? How about the "Let's not blow up other people" Act of 2008?

9:49

A free Iraq will charge us $150/barrel for oil. And $11 billion a month.

BOO! Al Qaeda is going to attack Washington!

9:50

This generation left behind a steaming pile of crap.

9:51

Israel! And Joe Lieberman blows a nut.

9:52

You say Iran, I say Eerahn. No one actually says "nukular". Some people listen to the NIE. Everyone loves oil.

9:53

Heh. Doody.

Flot to ply?

9:54

TERRORISTS! TERRORISTS! BOO! YOU WILL BE SCARED DAMMIT! NOW GIVE US YOUR PHONE RECORDS!

9:56

Way to step out on a limb on that whole genocide in Sudan thing. But where is Zimbawhey?

9:57

We increased veteran funding? Really? Really?

9:59

W is single handedly responsible for more distraught military families since... well... I think LBJ.

10:00

I get this feeling that W is laughirking (laughing + smirking) the same way a child at a school play laugh/smirks when he steps on stage.

10:01

OH! The state of the Union is strong. Could've fooled me.

2 comments:

Sherry said...

bless you. you watched so others could save their sanity!

i watched the history channel.

Kel said...

Excellent, succinct and very, very funny. Thank you!