The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Anthony Coghill Wants to Show You His Crotch

The Rules of Bureaucracy

Rule #O: "The Rules of Bureaucracy are mutable, non-canonical, non-ordinal, and contradictory, except in the cases where they are not."
Rule #1: "Document everything you do; if you didn't write it down, it didn't happen."
Rule #2 [The Sixty Minutes Rule]: "Never do anything that would cause Ed Bradley, Mike Wallace, Morley Safer, Steve Croft, Leslie Stahl, or even Andy Rooney to persue you down a hallway with a camera crew."
Rule #3: "Nothing Simple is Ever Easy"
Rule #4: "It's about the money; follow the money."
Rule #5: "Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Rule #6: "Politics is the enemy of good government."
Rule #7: "The biggest detriment to public service is the public."
Rule #8: "The second biggest detriment to public service is the service."
Rule #9: "There's a reason; there's ALWAYS a reason."
Rule #10: "The Law is a harsh mistress: The rigorous and exacting application of which can benefit of society when used correctly to advance good policy and block bad, and be the bane of society when used incorrectly to advance bad policy and block good."
Rule #11: "Public service often involves waking up in the morning, opening up the newspaper, and discovering that someone, somewhere out there thinks that you're a dickhead."
Rule #12: "No one really knows what you do."
Rule #13 [Luke's Rule]: "No one ever acts like the bastard they really are."
Rule #14: "Bureaucracy endures."
Rule #15: "The longer you work in bureaucracy, the more Catch-22 resembles non-fiction."
Rule #16: "Politicians are not smarter than you."
Rule #18: "Money is not created equal."
Rule #19: "Mediocrity is normalcy."
Rule #17: "Within any bureaucratic structure, resources (e.g. people, money, knowledge, etc.) are not distributed uniformly."
Rule #20: "Don't assume a fiduciary liability without a committed resource allocation."
Rule #21: "If you do your job and obey the law, they can't reasonably fire you."
Rule #22: "The Budget will always be wrong."
Rule #23: "Always sign in blue."
Rule #24: "A Bureaucrat must be able to explain and justify his/her actions to laymen without resorting to the phrase 'because the Rules say so.'"
Rule #25: "Never voluntarily relinquish control of an original document."
Rule #26: "Sometimes you just have to say 'Screw the rules'"
Rule #27: "Change sucks."
Rule #28: "Sometimes the answer is 'No.'"
Rule #29: "It is very easy to make difficult decisions when no one has a clue what's going on."
Rule #30: "If you hang around long enough, eventually you will become an expert in something."
Rule #31: "Data, technology, and automatic processes can never completely supplant human interaction."
Rule #32: "Cover thine own ass."
Rule #33: "It's not real until it has its own acronym."
Rule #34:There is nothing more dangerous than an elected, resourceful idiot.
Rule #35: It will always take longer than expected.
Rule #36: Coming Soon...

Friday, April 03, 2009

Anthony Coghill Wants to Show You His Crotch

Please do not stare directly into the candidate's junk, as it may cause blindness and loss of appetite.

17 comments:

MH said...: "No, I don't need to see the proof the Enzyte is working for you."; 10:27 AM
MH said...: "So, you just cut out this part of the pants, put on a long rain coat, and ...."; 10:42 AM
Anonymous said...: I bet Matt is getting his ass handed to him by his boss.

This is the funniest campaign picture I have ever seen.

What an idiot. Good luck Anthony!; 2:06 PM
Anonymous said...: Coghill is the man. Nice to see him out talking to people. Heard he is unreal at the doors.

Look out District 4---Coghill is out!; 2:40 PM
Anonymous said...: By the way---I'm voting for Coghill. He's the only one who gives a shit about Beechview.; 2:40 PM
Anonymous said...: IM VOTING COGHILL IN MAY! lets keep the wagners out of local politics.; 3:56 PM
Anonymous said...: Ya, I'm sure the last 3 comments were not the same person or anything...

Where is Matt when you need him? nevermind...; 4:20 PM
Anonymous said...: "By the way---I'm voting for Coghill"

Hoagie, we know that's you, you don't live in the Beechview, you don't live in the district, and you can't vote for anyone in that election.; 6:46 PM
Anonymous said...: "Look out District 4---Coghill is out!"

Really? I didn't know. It will be good to have another openly gay councilor.

Good for him.; 6:36 AM
Anonymous said...: Maybe he's advertising more than his junk.

Notice the sign?

Maybe he wants Lamar to know he's open for business...; 6:39 AM
Anonymous said...: coghill coghill coghill!; 3:39 PM
Anonymous said...: Vote for Coghill - he believes in Viagra, more billboards, and affordable auto coverage!; 10:24 AM
Anonymous said...: Vote for Anthony! he has the best package!; 1:01 PM
Anonymous said...: nice crotch shot. that's hot. If you vote for Coghill he promises more of where that came from.....; 11:16 AM
Anonymous said...: Just met anthony coghill over the weekend when he came to my door and I loved his message.; 11:32 PM
Anonymous said...: Mr. Coghill is getting my vote because he can well represent our city and the communities he cares so much about.
Oh and by the way, sounds like someone out there has some penis envy going on!; 8:31 AM
Anonymous said...: I agree!; 1:01 AM

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Friday, April 03, 2009

Anthony Coghill Wants to Show You His Crotch

17 comments:

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