Ravenstahl Orders Demolition of Davis Avenue Metaphor

The Mayor today ordered the demolition of a 200 foot long metaphor spanning a Brighton Heights ravine and representing the current state of the City.

"We're going to do this as quickly as we possibly can, so we have some people out there to evaluate the metaphor and then come back to us and make a recommendation as to how quickly they can get this down," the mayor said.

The metaphor, built at the turn of the last century, was closed to all but pedestrian traffic since 2001, when it was determined that years of deferred maintenance had finally taken its toll. City employee had analyzed the metaphor and had reported its structural instability, but money for its repair or demolition were held up by political infighting or reallocations of resources to other "pet projects". Now, realizing that a crisis was indeed at hand, the Mayor acted.

This is not the first time that dysfunctional metaphors have plagued City leaders. Northsiders are keenly aware of the infamous Metaphor to Nowhere, which was held up for years by the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation. The bridge eventually connected Downtown to Cranberry PA.

Professor of English Literature and Public Policy at the University of Pittsburgh Dr. Eric Stonestreet said that metaphors are a common occurrence in the Government realm. "Whether you're talking about a bridge in Alaska or giant flaming pit of government sponsored waste, all of them speak to the current condition of our republic. I mean, it's one thing to say that the City is old, dysfunctional and irreparably broken because of past neglect and poor management, but it's quite another thing to have a structure that does the same job for you."

It is expected that this emergency work on the metaphor will be done at the last minute, at great cost, done by someone who has made a campaign contribution to the Mayor, and probably ruin somebody's property.