The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Pointless Milestones...

The Rules of Bureaucracy

Rule #O: "The Rules of Bureaucracy are mutable, non-canonical, non-ordinal, and contradictory, except in the cases where they are not."
Rule #1: "Document everything you do; if you didn't write it down, it didn't happen."
Rule #2 [The Sixty Minutes Rule]: "Never do anything that would cause Ed Bradley, Mike Wallace, Morley Safer, Steve Croft, Leslie Stahl, or even Andy Rooney to persue you down a hallway with a camera crew."
Rule #3: "Nothing Simple is Ever Easy"
Rule #4: "It's about the money; follow the money."
Rule #5: "Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Rule #6: "Politics is the enemy of good government."
Rule #7: "The biggest detriment to public service is the public."
Rule #8: "The second biggest detriment to public service is the service."
Rule #9: "There's a reason; there's ALWAYS a reason."
Rule #10: "The Law is a harsh mistress: The rigorous and exacting application of which can benefit of society when used correctly to advance good policy and block bad, and be the bane of society when used incorrectly to advance bad policy and block good."
Rule #11: "Public service often involves waking up in the morning, opening up the newspaper, and discovering that someone, somewhere out there thinks that you're a dickhead."
Rule #12: "No one really knows what you do."
Rule #13 [Luke's Rule]: "No one ever acts like the bastard they really are."
Rule #14: "Bureaucracy endures."
Rule #15: "The longer you work in bureaucracy, the more Catch-22 resembles non-fiction."
Rule #16: "Politicians are not smarter than you."
Rule #18: "Money is not created equal."
Rule #19: "Mediocrity is normalcy."
Rule #17: "Within any bureaucratic structure, resources (e.g. people, money, knowledge, etc.) are not distributed uniformly."
Rule #20: "Don't assume a fiduciary liability without a committed resource allocation."
Rule #21: "If you do your job and obey the law, they can't reasonably fire you."
Rule #22: "The Budget will always be wrong."
Rule #23: "Always sign in blue."
Rule #24: "A Bureaucrat must be able to explain and justify his/her actions to laymen without resorting to the phrase 'because the Rules say so.'"
Rule #25: "Never voluntarily relinquish control of an original document."
Rule #26: "Sometimes you just have to say 'Screw the rules'"
Rule #27: "Change sucks."
Rule #28: "Sometimes the answer is 'No.'"
Rule #29: "It is very easy to make difficult decisions when no one has a clue what's going on."
Rule #30: "If you hang around long enough, eventually you will become an expert in something."
Rule #31: "Data, technology, and automatic processes can never completely supplant human interaction."
Rule #32: "Cover thine own ass."
Rule #33: "It's not real until it has its own acronym."
Rule #34:There is nothing more dangerous than an elected, resourceful idiot.
Rule #35: It will always take longer than expected.
Rule #36: Coming Soon...

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Pointless Milestones...

So, when do I get my gold watch already?

---
This post brought to you by a stubborn, nay, pigheaded unwillingness to let this damned blog die after 5 years, despite its detrimental effects to my health, relationships, and personal hygiene. Thanks for putting up with me for so long.

8 comments:

spork_incident said...: Here's to another five years! Huzzah!

(That's about the worst thing I could've written, innit?)

.; 7:25 AM
Anonymous said...: please don't die, you bring such joy...; 9:41 AM
Maria said...: And yet you do keep celebrating them.

:-D; 12:33 PM
Sherry Pasquarello said...: i enjoy your blog, besides it's your blog birthday and mine so it has to be good!(or at least, odd); 3:01 PM
Sue London said...: Following the tradition of my people I will now perform for you the Chi-Chi's birthday song. Please put on your sombrero.

Happy, happy, happy birthday!
Happy, happy, happy birthday!
Happy, happy, happy birthday!
To you, to you, to you-
!OLE!; 8:42 PM
The Honourable Husband said...: ADB, please keep it up.

Must say, I'm surprised you haven't been dooced. Or are whistle-blowers undooceable?

Love from across the Atlantic.; 1:32 AM
Bram Reichbaum said...: I wonder, is it something about wintertime that births cantankerous political blogs?; 2:08 AM
O said...: Don't know about you Bram, but five years ago I resolved to drink more and be more cynical.; 9:20 PM

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The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat

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Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Pointless Milestones...

8 comments:

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