Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat Slams Dowd's & Ravenstahl's Half-assed Campaign Finance Proposals

‘Is there some sort of carbon monoxide leak on the 5th Floor of the City-County Building?'

Outlines reform agenda.

March 25, 2009 - In response to yesterday’s post agenda on Mayor Luke Ravenstahl’s campaign finance bill and Democratic Mayoral candidate Patrick Dowd "reform agenda" released today, "O", the pseudonymous Angry Drunk Bureaucrat, called both proposals "festering piles of dung, with dung dressing, dung on the side and a cherry on top, made of dung."

Last year, Ravenstahl vetoed a bill supported by a majority of council that imposed federal contribution limits, $2,300 per person per cycle, on municipal elections. Since his June veto, Ravenstahl has raised approximately $500,000 according to public filings. Mr. Dowd similarly backed these initial limits during previous council hearings, only to flip to a more stringent position after announcing his campaign.

“Both candidates sound like they were dropped on their heads as children," said O, "and then peed on by various neighbors."

Ravenstahl’s current proposal is a watered down version of the legislation he vetoed last year and places no restrictions on the awarding of no-bid contracts to contributors. Dowd's plan inhibits local labor contributions by restricting contributions by PACs, but does not address similar individual contributions by corporate executives.

In response to what he termed a “complete clusterf*ck” on campaign finance and eliminating the appearance of impropriety in contracting, O outlined his campaign finance reform agenda:

In an Angry Drunk Bureaucrat Administration:

1) I will introduce comprehensive, ridiculous campaign finance legislation that is tied to some defunct foreign country like Zanzibar or Des Moines;

2) I will end the practice of awarding no-bid contracts to campaign contributors and begin the practice of not awarding bid contracts to campaign contributors;

3) I will ensure that every contract over $25,000 will be broken up into smaller contracts of less than $25,000;

4) As an incumbent Mayor, I will not solicit campaign contributions from any firm that does business with the Dutch; the damned, dirty Dutch;

5) I will make all finance reports electronically available to the public, but the web site will be optimized for IE8 or Netscape Navigator v.5 and probably just redirect you to porn;

6) I will ensure the creation of and integrate searchable electronic databases of all city contracts and all campaign contributions of all city elected officials, their dealers, and their mistresses.

7) I will publish my public schedule on the city's website so that any Pittsburgher can see at which bar I'm currently drinking.

8) Given that you're a young man, hard man, shouting in the street 'gonna take on the world some day' and that you have blood on your face, you big disgrace, waving your banner all over the place: I will, I will rock you. I will, I will rock you.

9) I..................... will always love you.

10) I will survive as long as I know how to love I know I will stay alive. I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give, and I'll survive. Hey! Hey!


IOZ said...

You're a rich girl, and you've gone too far, but you know it don't matter anyway . . . cause, you can rely on the old man's money . . . you can rely . . . on the OLD MAN'S MONEY . . .

Anonymous said...

Congratulations, you have swung my mayoral vote from Les Ludwig to O.

Mark Rauterkus said...

You've got a bad reputation
All over the street
There's some indication
You've been indiscreet
Oh I know you can turn on the charm
When you feel so inclined
Whatever I do
I can't get you out of my mind.

Bram Reichbaum said...

Now I ain't sayin she's a gold digger...

Sherry said...

Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste ; )

Anonymous said...

gold digger and not the Kanyeh West version, Ludacris.,.
Look you in the eye tell you a bold face lie. Schemin on the way to you well dry. Guess its a game now gotta watch who you trust....
Agenda everyday is to find new prey . what more can I say but to wise up some.

EdHeath said...

I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok ...

Sherry said...

oh i love the lumberjack song!

python is the best