Tuesday, March 03, 2009

GOP Frustrated in Attempts to Catch Obama

(NewsWire) Washington D.C. - Tempers seethed today on Capitol Hill today as the Senate Minority party expressed audible frustration that his party was unable to catch up with the new President.

"We nearly had him with the stimulus bill," said Senator Mitch McConnell at a closed door Republican luncheon. "We nearly had him with (Governor Bill) Richardson and with (former Senator Tom) Daschle. Heck, we even had old (New Hampshire Senator Judd) Gregg over there dress up as Commerce Secretary to lure him into our clutches. We even set up that anvil with the Obama seed underneath it, but we managed, somehow, to get squished into an accordion like shape. What's wrong here?"

Weeks after inauguration, President Obama still maintains high approval ratings across most of the country even with an ever worsening economic situation. The President seems detached and aloof from the ongoing problems in the opposing party.

Last week, Representative Michelle Bachman (R-MN) dressed up as a bat to swoop down onto the White House in order to catch the President unawares, but she managed to slam into a boulder instead, which subsequently plummeted with her to the canyon floor.

RNC Chairman, and self-proclaimed "Super Genius" Michael Steele purchased a pair of rocket powered roller skates, but, when activated, spun wildly out of control, sending him as well to the canyon floor.

House Minority Whip Eric Cantor had devised a complex slingshot system, but, when activated, the sling flung Mr. Cantor into an oncoming train.

Faced with declining lobbying support after its failed K Street project and its loss of prestige, the GOP is relying heavily on the Acme LLC lobbying firm for advice.

Noted political commentator Isadore Freleng says that the problem is one of desire for the Republicans.

"You see, the GOP wants Obama. It desires to get Obama anyway it can, but there's some sort of subtle self loathing at play where they dream up these crazy, rocket powered, gun powered, giant metal spring, traps that inevitably blow up in their faces. It's almost as if they don't really want to get him, because they wouldn't know what to do if they did get him."

Senator McConnell laughed at that suggestion.

"We have a really great plan this time: we're going to paint a tunnel onto the side of the Lincoln Memorial so that when his motorcade goes through he gets squished. It's a fool proof plan."

Presidential Spokesman Robert Gibbs responded to McConnell's plan with "Meep-Meep!", before dashing off in a puff of smoke.

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