Monday, May 18, 2009

2009 Election - Lightning Round (pt. 1)

We can't just dwell on the mayor's race, but in the interest of time...


Pennsylvania Supreme Court Bracket: Judge Cheryl Allen, Joan Orie Melvin, Paul P. Panepinto

Loser: Despite Judge Allen's stellar attempt at the Owen Mills Portrait maneuver and Judge Orie Melvin's familiy's elbow fascination, I'm giving this one to Judge Panepinto who looks like either a comic book villain or a child molester.

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Pennsylvania Superior Court Bracket: Judge Anne E. Lazarus, Judge Robert J. Colville, Kevin Francis McCarthy, Judge Paula Patrick, Judge John Younge

Loser: For a Superior Court race, Judge John Younge really went all out in web design including videos, countdown tickers, and various expensive (looking) stock photos. Such websites make his opponents' sites look like vomit on a cracker. The absolutely bottom of the barrel, however, has to be either Kevin Francis McCarthy, who looks kinda like Odo from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - and with a website that is also vaguely late 90s in form and substance, or Judge Paula Patrick who doesn't show you a picture of her, but bombards you with a giant American flag background, as if you question her patriotism. Because I'm a fan of DS9, I'm picking Judge Paula Patrick.

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Pennsylvania Commonwealth Court Bracket: Kevin Brobson, Al Frioni, Dan Bricmont, Linda Judson, Michael D. Sherman, Barbara Behrend Ernsberger, Judge Jimmy Lynn, Steve Pollock

Loser: This is a large bracket with a lot of bad things to choose from: Brobson's vaguely bishop-like portrait and his "sexual predator" teaser issue, Frioni's giant floating head of the late Senator John Heinz and his own constipated portrait, Bricmont's canned webpage and disturbing comb over, Sherman's outright theft of the "Bank of America logo", Ernsberger's facination with ani-gifs, or Lynn's potrait that looks like a cross between Bill Clinton and a recently made up corpse. Still, as we have to choose someone, the bracket goes to Michael D. Sherman for (1) looking like my high school science teacher and (2) not renaming his home page with anything more descriptive than "Home Page."

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Allegheny County Common Pleas Court Bracket: Alex Bicket, Susan Evashavik DiLucente, Jeffrey K. Eisenberg, Phil Ignelzi, Arnie Klein, Joseph V. Luvara, Michael F. Marmo , Hugh Fitzpatrick McGough, Michael S. Sherman, Don Walko, Joe Williams, Leah Williams-Duncan

Loser: Another exceptionally large bracket here and, by default, I should really give it to either Don Walko who, apparently, is using his State House website as his campaign website, or Joseph Luvara who seems to be using his private practice site as his de facto website. However, the prevalence of the use of the number "4" instead of "for" in many of these campaign websites has me irked -- and frankly having no website is better than a bad website in this case. Really, this is a four-way race between DiLucente for her insufferable "Choosin' Judge Susan" slogan, Marmo who seems to have morphed from 1970s computer programmer to Hutt in his campaign commercials, Michael S. Sherman who has graced us with *one* black and gold webpage, and Judge Joe Williams who, I thought, already had his own TV show anyway. The Loser, however, has to be Judge Joe Williams who has incorporated not only the ridiculous American flag motif, but also needless ani-gifs, frames, and plug-ins that don't seem to work (or work all too well when you have the volume turned up at work).

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More in part two... if we get around to it.

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