Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Victims 2009 - Part 2

And in this corner, weighing in at 450Kbs...

Victim #2: Patrick Dowd


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The one thing that I appreciate about Dowd's website is that he's upfront about what he wants: your name, your body, and your money, even before you read any of his policies and positions. It's like he's selling Amway or Tupperware, only you don't get those little cocktail wieners on cucumber sandwiches until you buy 500 units.

Patrick looks like he's cold in this picture. Cold and looking at a giant, while a midget takes his picture. His hair looks good though. Maybe too good...

Now, before I go on, let me say that I wasn't quite sure what a "Dowd" actually was at first. I had always assumed that it was an immortal being of disguises and false surroundings who destroyed the Husnock race and was named "Kevin".

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Pictured: Kevin the Dowd (not a candidate for Mayor)*

Apparently, this Dowd is a former member of the Pittsburgh City School Board, a current member of City Council, and sits on the board of the Water and Sewer Authority, so I'm not that far off on the disguises and false surroundings thing, I suppose. No word, however, if he destroyed an entire race of aliens.

The "Blog" is OK, although like Luke's site, this isn't a "blog", but instead a random grouping of text and pictures. If it only included some sort of insufferable meme or purloined videos of old Looney Tunes cartoons from YouTube, *then* I think I would consider it a blog, although the latter may invite comparisons to City Council Meetings.

Currently, there's a plea in the blog for donations in order to keep the campaign's only TV spot on the air, almost as if Patrick is doing a Public Television pledge drive.

On the endorsement pages, it seems like any random schlub can leave their "mad props" for Patrick, or something. I didn't see Billy Mays or Ron Popeil or the ShamWOW! guy who got his tongue bitten off by a prostitute, so I find a lot of these endorsements questionable. I mean, how do we know that "Natalie Campbell" of "Squirrel Hill" (if that really is her real name and neighborhood) really did meet Dowd at a house meeting and how do we know that she could not have been more impressed? Perhaps "Natalie" is one of those people that is impressed by bands like Nickleback. How can we trust an anonymous person on the internet for political insights and commentary?

The Issues (New) page also leaves me suspicious - why exactly are these issues "new"? I mean, "Let Our Beauty Shine" is kind of original, and I'm sure it beat the hell out of "Please, folks, stop urinating on everything!" Still, I was looking for some "new" issues: anti-wicker policies, a "Say no to Dougs" campaign, or even a "For the Love of God! Please don't kill your neighbors if you think they're Zombies - for there are no such things... yet" policy. Frankly, these kinds of policies are the kinds of bold and decisive action steps that are needed to move the City of Pittsburgh something-something.

Whatever.

I'm not a Twitter person, but if you were such a person, you could follow Patrick's goings on, Council Meetings, and other bowel movements. I can barely follow my own goings on, so I don't think I can shoulder the responsibility of looking after Patrick too. Plus, he's like 40, so I think I can safely leave him to poop by himself.

The Resources Page was as misleading as the "Issues" page. I was expecting oil, gas, and coal... but instead, I get biographies and posters. How am I supposed to run my SUV on those?

In all, the site was clean and devoid of clutter, but it lacked real "oomph" (despite the presence of a "oomph" CSS tag).

Overall rating: 9/10

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* Somebody got this joke, yes? Yes?

3 comments:

spork_incident said...

I get it.

And that fact worries me.


.

Sherry said...

yep.tho the vision you left about pooping is killing me here!

Michaek said...

I'm pretty sure it's Douwd...