The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: And now a Nutritional Interlude...

The Rules of Bureaucracy

Rule #O: "The Rules of Bureaucracy are mutable, non-canonical, non-ordinal, and contradictory, except in the cases where they are not."
Rule #1: "Document everything you do; if you didn't write it down, it didn't happen."
Rule #2 [The Sixty Minutes Rule]: "Never do anything that would cause Ed Bradley, Mike Wallace, Morley Safer, Steve Croft, Leslie Stahl, or even Andy Rooney to persue you down a hallway with a camera crew."
Rule #3: "Nothing Simple is Ever Easy"
Rule #4: "It's about the money; follow the money."
Rule #5: "Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Rule #6: "Politics is the enemy of good government."
Rule #7: "The biggest detriment to public service is the public."
Rule #8: "The second biggest detriment to public service is the service."
Rule #9: "There's a reason; there's ALWAYS a reason."
Rule #10: "The Law is a harsh mistress: The rigorous and exacting application of which can benefit of society when used correctly to advance good policy and block bad, and be the bane of society when used incorrectly to advance bad policy and block good."
Rule #11: "Public service often involves waking up in the morning, opening up the newspaper, and discovering that someone, somewhere out there thinks that you're a dickhead."
Rule #12: "No one really knows what you do."
Rule #13 [Luke's Rule]: "No one ever acts like the bastard they really are."
Rule #14: "Bureaucracy endures."
Rule #15: "The longer you work in bureaucracy, the more Catch-22 resembles non-fiction."
Rule #16: "Politicians are not smarter than you."
Rule #18: "Money is not created equal."
Rule #19: "Mediocrity is normalcy."
Rule #17: "Within any bureaucratic structure, resources (e.g. people, money, knowledge, etc.) are not distributed uniformly."
Rule #20: "Don't assume a fiduciary liability without a committed resource allocation."
Rule #21: "If you do your job and obey the law, they can't reasonably fire you."
Rule #22: "The Budget will always be wrong."
Rule #23: "Always sign in blue."
Rule #24: "A Bureaucrat must be able to explain and justify his/her actions to laymen without resorting to the phrase 'because the Rules say so.'"
Rule #25: "Never voluntarily relinquish control of an original document."
Rule #26: "Sometimes you just have to say 'Screw the rules'"
Rule #27: "Change sucks."
Rule #28: "Sometimes the answer is 'No.'"
Rule #29: "It is very easy to make difficult decisions when no one has a clue what's going on."
Rule #30: "If you hang around long enough, eventually you will become an expert in something."
Rule #31: "Data, technology, and automatic processes can never completely supplant human interaction."
Rule #32: "Cover thine own ass."
Rule #33: "It's not real until it has its own acronym."
Rule #34:There is nothing more dangerous than an elected, resourceful idiot.
Rule #35: It will always take longer than expected.
Rule #36: Coming Soon...

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

And now a Nutritional Interlude...

Penn Brewery has closed.

Jack Isherwood, managing principal of Birchmere Capital that owns the North Side business, confirmed in an e-mail that the restaurant "is closed indefinitely while future options are being evaluated," but he declined to elaborate.

Could this get any worse?

Oh double dammit!

Country singer Toby Keith is bringing his popular restaurant chain to SouthSide Works.

Toby Keith's I Love This Bar and Grill is expected to open on the riverfront next to Hofbrauhaus in late 2010, the Soffer Organization announced today.

Surely it couldn't get any worse than this!

Oh crap:

The 15,000-square-foot restaurant will feature live music, HDTV monitors for watching sporting events and Southern-style cooking, including its signature fried bologna sandwich and deep-fried Twinkees.

Oh for fuck's sake! It's like we're trading in a hand crafted, fine mahogany chest for a vending machine sandwich from Wal*Mart.

Now where am I going to get my monthly strudel fix?

Scheiße!

2 comments:

MH said...: I hate to find fault with your metaphor, but a mahogany chest and a sandwich are not exactly substitutes, regardless of quality.; 11:19 PM
mds said...: Mmm... mahogany.

And I actually thought you had milked the last drop of rabid bat milk from the article, but I followed the link anyway:

There also will be a guitar-shaped bar

There is no god.; 2:08 PM

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Tuesday, August 18, 2009

And now a Nutritional Interlude...

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