The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Two Minutes Hate

The Rules of Bureaucracy

Rule #O: "The Rules of Bureaucracy are mutable, non-canonical, non-ordinal, and contradictory, except in the cases where they are not."
Rule #1: "Document everything you do; if you didn't write it down, it didn't happen."
Rule #2 [The Sixty Minutes Rule]: "Never do anything that would cause Ed Bradley, Mike Wallace, Morley Safer, Steve Croft, Leslie Stahl, or even Andy Rooney to persue you down a hallway with a camera crew."
Rule #3: "Nothing Simple is Ever Easy"
Rule #4: "It's about the money; follow the money."
Rule #5: "Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Rule #6: "Politics is the enemy of good government."
Rule #7: "The biggest detriment to public service is the public."
Rule #8: "The second biggest detriment to public service is the service."
Rule #9: "There's a reason; there's ALWAYS a reason."
Rule #10: "The Law is a harsh mistress: The rigorous and exacting application of which can benefit of society when used correctly to advance good policy and block bad, and be the bane of society when used incorrectly to advance bad policy and block good."
Rule #11: "Public service often involves waking up in the morning, opening up the newspaper, and discovering that someone, somewhere out there thinks that you're a dickhead."
Rule #12: "No one really knows what you do."
Rule #13 [Luke's Rule]: "No one ever acts like the bastard they really are."
Rule #14: "Bureaucracy endures."
Rule #15: "The longer you work in bureaucracy, the more Catch-22 resembles non-fiction."
Rule #16: "Politicians are not smarter than you."
Rule #18: "Money is not created equal."
Rule #19: "Mediocrity is normalcy."
Rule #17: "Within any bureaucratic structure, resources (e.g. people, money, knowledge, etc.) are not distributed uniformly."
Rule #20: "Don't assume a fiduciary liability without a committed resource allocation."
Rule #21: "If you do your job and obey the law, they can't reasonably fire you."
Rule #22: "The Budget will always be wrong."
Rule #23: "Always sign in blue."
Rule #24: "A Bureaucrat must be able to explain and justify his/her actions to laymen without resorting to the phrase 'because the Rules say so.'"
Rule #25: "Never voluntarily relinquish control of an original document."
Rule #26: "Sometimes you just have to say 'Screw the rules'"
Rule #27: "Change sucks."
Rule #28: "Sometimes the answer is 'No.'"
Rule #29: "It is very easy to make difficult decisions when no one has a clue what's going on."
Rule #30: "If you hang around long enough, eventually you will become an expert in something."
Rule #31: "Data, technology, and automatic processes can never completely supplant human interaction."
Rule #32: "Cover thine own ass."
Rule #33: "It's not real until it has its own acronym."
Rule #34:There is nothing more dangerous than an elected, resourceful idiot.
Rule #35: It will always take longer than expected.
Rule #36: Coming Soon...

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Two Minutes Hate

Please include in your daily Two Minutes Hate State Senator Jim Ferlo:

The city of Pittsburgh's development arm plans to get back in the business of backing beer, after the Urban Redevelopment Authority board voted today to lend $300,000 to an investor looking to buy Penn Brewing Co. and return its brewing and bottling operations to the base of Troy Hill...

Because the transfer of the building isn't final, URA board member Jim Ferlo, a state senator from Highland Park, voted against the loan. The other four board members voted for it.

Why does Jim Ferlo hate beer?

Ben Franklin once said that "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." Obviously, by voting against this loan, Jim Ferlo doesn't want us to be happy and is thwarting the will of God. People that are thwarting the will of God are in league with the Devil.

Ergo, Jim Ferlo wants you to be unhappy and go to hell.

Remember that on election day: a vote for Jim Ferlo means that you want to burn in hell for all eternity.

3 comments:

n'at said...: Recall kaiser wilhelm: Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I shall conquer the world. To that end, our most honorable of mosque avengers believes that 1) I will never achieve manifest destiny and this world will suffer greatly for it, and 2) women should not imbibe, nor have any contact with me. Me!?

Why does Jimmy Ferlo hate me?

:'(; 10:27 PM
MH said...: I wonder if his position on beer is what kept him from getting a permit to rally at the G-20. Of course, it could just be that he belongs to a group with a higher level of criminality than any anarchist cell since Russian before the revolution.

http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/news/breaking/s_638283.html?source=rss&feed=2; 10:00 AM
Anonymous said...: If it was beer in Lawrenceville he would support it. Since it is in Troy Hill, no way.; 3:36 PM

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Thursday, August 13, 2009

Two Minutes Hate

3 comments:

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