Halfway through the last post, I realized that the Port Authority is part of a larger experience to keep me fat.
Looking at the proposed system map, I noticed that a whole lot of routes are probably going to get axed and a whole lot of routes that are going to get moved.
One of the routes that I use got moved in the plan, but strangely it became more convenient -- moving the stop closer to my house instead of being a third of a mile up hill. The new stop is significantly closer and now (strangely for Pittsburgh) a relatively flat route. I find it odd that something PAT is doing is actually making my life easier.
Not that I mind, but that walk up the hill every few mornings a week was really the only exercise I ever got.
I think someone at PAT knows this and wants to keep me docile. Now if they open up a convenience store at the new stop that sells Funyuns and deep fried Twinkies, I'll know it's a conspiracy.
A delicious, delicious conspiracy.
Well, perhaps other folks who have had their routes moved will benefit from running up hill every day in a mad dash to the bus.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Halfway through the last post, I realized that the Port Authority is part of a larger experience to keep me fat.
As part of its new Transit Development Plan, Port Authority CEO Steve Bland today announced at a news conference the creation of the new 9000 ALL line which will service every neighborhood in the City of Pittsburgh.
After two years of planning, thousands of comments from the public and numerous meetings with community and business groups, Port Authority is ready to share the proposed final draft of its Transit Development Plan, the result of our efforts to service every neighborhood and every street in the City of PittsburghThe line will begin in Summer Hill on the Northside, and take a route that wanders through the neighborhood, into Observatory Hill, and then through the remaining 80 neighborhoods, ending in New Homestead, where the bus will turn around and begin the route in reverse. The length of the entire trip is expected to take three days, but will be a one-zone fair.
"Our goal," said Bland, "is to ensure that everyone has access to transit options everywhere in the City."
Some riders groups are protesting that the new 9000 ALL does not service the stairs and paper streets, which dot the City landscape. Bland said that PAT is already working on plans for a 10,000 Up/Down and an i Line, to meet both needs.
PAT is also expected to announce a 10,000,000 ALL Line, which will service every road in the County. That route is expected to take a month from end to end.
More details tomorrow (or not)
Thursday, August 27, 2009
You know, I'm all about the State Legislature being a "deliberative" body, but if they "deliberate" any longer on the budget, I have a feeling that we're actually going to bore into another dimension and somehow wind up back in time. I also think that the longer they dick around up there, the angrier a lot of folks are going to be knowing that the State can vote pay raises for themselves in a matter of minutes but can't resolve a budget in a few months.
So, this fuckwittery must end.
Here's my solution: Pennsylvania the Game Show -- the chance for State Legislators to win fabulous prizes. I'm suggesting the "Price is Right" model here -- contestants subject themselves to various games. If they win the game, they get their project/bill/line item funded. If they don't, they lose their project/bill/line item.
It's more high stakes than Plinko, that's for sure, but it'll make short order of budget negotiations. Plus, you'd get that yodeling mountain-climber guy on the ruler. That would be awesome.
Or Thunderdome. That would be awesome too... but that should really be reserved for any administrative appointments and confirmations.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
(So, if you're one of those folks that doesn't like to joke about the recently deceased, you might want to skip this post. Just saying.)
A few, er, ah, reflections on the death of Ted Kennedy...
Around here, we always like politicians that like their liquor, so we're sad to see Ted go. Although, did anyone back in the 80s even dream that the organ that failed would be his brain and not his liver?
Does the "Kennedy Curse" apply to diseases that normal people get, or is it reserved for assasins, plane crashes, and trees?
What's the, er ah, over/under on the emergence of the "Kennedy would have been killed by an Obama Death Panel" meme? I'm guessing two days.
Is Arnold Shwarzen... Swarsen... Er, ah... Is Maria Shriver's husband the patriarch of the Kennedy clan now?
We should have Zombie Kennedy fight Zombie Reagan on C-SPAN pay per view.
Did you, er ah, realize that you were, er ah, reading this post in the voice of Ted Kennedy, or at least, er ah, Mayor "Diamond" Joe Quimby?
Posted by O at 11:57 PM
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
I remember playing Kick-the-Can as a child. Little did I know at the time that, if I wanted to play it professionally, I could have been a State Legislator:
House Bill 1661 would prevent any Pennsylvania county from carrying out a court-ordered property reassessment until June 30, 2011. That delay would give the Legislature a chance to do a study of problems that many counties are having with the existing property reassessment system. The study would also deal with whether the state, rather than individual counties, should perform the reassessments. Allegheny County is now facing a court order to reassess.*Clonk*
Bully on Sen. Pat Vance (R-Cumberland) and Sen. John Eichelberger (R-Blair) for voting against a bill that's so clearly unconstitutional, and shame on Sen. Jim Ferlo (D-Lawrenceville) for voting for a bill just "to keep the process moving."
It's like letting someone get mugged because "you wanted to see how it played out."
Of course, it's not nearly that noble: everyone in Harrisburg doesn't want to rock the boat... despite not being able to pass a friggin' budget... because raising taxes is tantamount to politically whipping out your love junk in front of preschoolers and the press: if you do it, you're going to get into serious trouble and be tagged forever as a sex offender.
Metaphorically speaking of course.
So here's the thing: you either support the State Constitution and its uniformity clause or you don't and you want to play political games... which apparently includes "kick-the-can".
Monday, August 24, 2009
...There's this item:
Mallo Cups and Smoothies won't be rolling off the Boyer Candy Co.'s production lines for a few days because of a machine fire at the plant in central Pennsylvania.So the obvious question is this: People actually eat Mallo Cups?
Plant supervisor Gary Himes said a coconut-roasting machine caught fire about 12:25 a.m. today. The fire was quickly brought under control and nobody was hurt as seven employees got out of the plant safely.
I always assumed that they were specifically designed to be picked up by nearsighted old people hours before Halloween and mistakenly given to children as Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and then later thrown away.
Mallo cups are incredibly disappointing confectionaries, which can only be improved by industrial fire.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
In case you didn't know, there's this:
Tom Ridge, the first head of the 9/11-inspired Department of Homeland Security, wasn't keen on writing a tell-all. But in The Test of Our Times: America Under Siege...and How We Can Be Safe Again, out September 1, Ridge says he wants to shake "public complacency" over security... Among the headlines promoted by publisher Thomas Dunne Books: Ridge was never invited to sit in on National Security Council meetings; was "blindsided" by the FBI in morning Oval Office meetings because the agency withheld critical information from him; found his urgings to block Michael Brown from being named head of the emergency agency blamed for the Hurricane Katrina disaster ignored; and was pushed to raise the security alert on the eve of President Bush's re-election....Other things that Tom Ridge didn't want you to know:
* Eliminating liquids (including shampoo and toothpaste) from carry on bags was done in order to pressure Johnson & Johnson into contributing more money to the GOP.
* The security alert system was originally supposed to only contain two levels: "pee yourself" and "shit yourself."
* Being commissioner for the International Arabian Horse Association makes a person qualified to head the United States Atomic Energy Commission, not FEMA.
* Bigfoot exists, but it's really some guy named "Lenny" from New Jersey.
* Han shot first.
* For 12 minutes on August 23, 2003 George W. Bush was clinically dead during a cabinet meeting and nobody noticed.
* Barack Obama is really a Kenyan Muslim, but was born in Hawaii.
* Your Rice Krispies are secretly telling you to kill your neighbor's dog.
* To prevent yourself from dying from a chemical attack, duct tape should be strategically placed over your mouth and nostrils.
* Michael Chertoff doesn't blink.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
OK, if anyone tells you that they know what's going to be going on for the G-20, they're lying. Viz:
City planners for the G-20 summit said today they want city residents, workers and businesses to start planning in earnest for the late September summit, but could not say exactly what to plan for...The Mayor's office, the County Executive's Office, and the Allegheny Conference are all being mum about everything, understandably. Still, in order to keep security at a max, only the "need-to-know" folks are being told about what's going to happen. I doubt that even many in the Mayor's Office are in that "need-to-know" group.
Details on exactly what streets will be closed in Downtown, Oakland and the North Side on Sept. 24 and 25 have not been released, nor has information for those living Downtown near the David L. Lawrence Convention Center....
The only thing that I think that we can assume*, however, is that City government will be pretty much shut down, with only essential personnel showing up:
During the week of the G-20, City Council will move both its Tuesday legislative meeting and its Wednesday standing committee meeting forward by one day, and City Council offices will be closed Sept. 23, 24 and 25 in anticipation of transportation difficulties.Obviously, City Council doesn't fit that "essential" criteria.
* This is a guess. I have no idea what's going on.
Penn Brewery has closed.Could this get any worse?
Jack Isherwood, managing principal of Birchmere Capital that owns the North Side business, confirmed in an e-mail that the restaurant "is closed indefinitely while future options are being evaluated," but he declined to elaborate.
Oh double dammit!
Country singer Toby Keith is bringing his popular restaurant chain to SouthSide Works.Surely it couldn't get any worse than this!
Toby Keith's I Love This Bar and Grill is expected to open on the riverfront next to Hofbrauhaus in late 2010, the Soffer Organization announced today.
The 15,000-square-foot restaurant will feature live music, HDTV monitors for watching sporting events and Southern-style cooking, including its signature fried bologna sandwich and deep-fried Twinkees.Oh for fuck's sake! It's like we're trading in a hand crafted, fine mahogany chest for a vending machine sandwich from Wal*Mart.
Now where am I going to get my monthly strudel fix?
Monday, August 17, 2009
(Reuters) Washington D.C. - High ranking Congressional Democrats have apparently agreed to an amendment to the current health care bills that would provide their party leadership with backbones, spines, and balls.
Speaking on behalf of a joint House-Senate caucus, Senate Majority Leader said that a final compromise will allow the Democrats to push through several other pieces of legislation including National Chocolate Month, Reallocation of Monies under Appropriation Act 5 of 2008, and Charlie Sheen Appreciation Day.
"The Democrats may have sacrificed the core of the proposed health care and climate change bills, but with this new bill, we'll be able to pass issues of vital importance including a reduction of timber tariffs from Canadian importance. Spines and balls will be of vital importance. Vital."
The Democrats' negotiation session was nearly derailed when two dozen invited Republicans threatened to shut down the meeting. Republican Minority Leader Eric Cantor said in a written statement that the proposed amendment was "the first step on the road to socialism."
"If Democrats are allowed to have spines, backbones, or balls, they will trample on the rights of all of those in the minority that did not vote for them. Why should a majority of people have the right to rule over a country, just because more people voted for them? ... That's akin to socialism."
Democratic Leadership in the House say that they will take Representative Cantor's comments into consideration, and will probably remove the backbone and balls provisions of the amendment.
The White House spokesman Robert Gibbs did not comment on the ongoing negotiations, except to say that the President supported any bill that advanced the cause of health care reform even if it sets back the cause of health care reform.
No word as to whether the proposed amendment includes "cajones".
So ADB's doppelganger The Surly Inebriated Manager sent a quick little note this morning:
Hey, check out the new iBurgh App for the iPhone. Pretty sweet!Tim McNulty has the non-fanboi story:
An application called iBurgh became available via Apple's iTunes store Saturday night that allows residents to snap iPhone photos of problems such as potholes and graffiti and send them to the city's 311 complaint system, embedded with Global Positioning System data with the problem's exact location. The free application, designed by YinzCam Inc. of Squirrel Hill, will issue the reports to city departments for review, just as the city's current 311 complaint phone line does...Checking out SIM's screenshots, it does in fact seem to be pretty sweet, if simplistic as far as iPhone apps go. It's good start to be sure, although a more useful app would be a PDA, streamlined version of the City's webpage, without all the needless flashing and blinking and Darlene Harris.
The real test, of course, is going to be how well the human end of this experiment performs, and whether 311 will be as responsive as it is to telephone, web, or friend-of-councilperson submissions.
Actually, what I'd really like to know (and what would be fascinating to find out) is where these iPhone generated complaints are coming from. This could be a perfect tool for the migration patterns of the elusive Yinzer-Hipster Douchebag (or "Yipzter-bag"). It'll sure beat setting traps of PBR out on Penn Avenue during the Unblurred events.
Friday, August 14, 2009
My email box, facebook account, twitter feed and carrier pigeon roost is filled with forwards outlining the top five lies about Health Care reform:
Lie #1: President Obama wants to euthanize your grandma!!!Slightly less forwarded are the Bottom 8 Health Care Lies:
Lie #2: Democrats are going to outlaw private insurance and force you into a government plan!!!
Lie #3: President Obama wants to implement Soviet-style rationing!!!
Lie #4: Obama is secretly plotting to cut senior citizens' Medicare benefits!!!
Lie #5: Obama's health care plan will bankrupt America!!!
Bottom Lie #10: The CIA will now be able to give AIDS to the rest of the blacks it missed in the 1980s.I expect to see these brought up on Fox News any moment now.
Bottom Lie #9: It will turn Jesus gay.
Bottom Lie #8: Abortions will be made mandatory for everyone who is not pregnant.
Bottom Lie #7: Grandma will be harvested for her organs.
Bottom Lie #6: [Unintelligible due to shouting]
Bottom Lie #5: It turns you into a secret Kenyan Marxist Fascist muslin.
Bottom Lie #4: Americans will be forcibly turned into Europeans, and be made to let children drink and vacation for four weeks a year.
Bottom Lie #3: Medicare and Medicaid will be taken over and run by the Government.
Bottom Lie #2: Dr. House will be mandated to diagnose everything as Lupus.
Bottom Lie #1: There are only 9 Bottom 9 Health Care Lies.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Please include in your daily Two Minutes Hate State Senator Jim Ferlo:
The city of Pittsburgh's development arm plans to get back in the business of backing beer, after the Urban Redevelopment Authority board voted today to lend $300,000 to an investor looking to buy Penn Brewing Co. and return its brewing and bottling operations to the base of Troy Hill...Why does Jim Ferlo hate beer?
Because the transfer of the building isn't final, URA board member Jim Ferlo, a state senator from Highland Park, voted against the loan. The other four board members voted for it.
Ben Franklin once said that "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." Obviously, by voting against this loan, Jim Ferlo doesn't want us to be happy and is thwarting the will of God. People that are thwarting the will of God are in league with the Devil.
Ergo, Jim Ferlo wants you to be unhappy and go to hell.
Remember that on election day: a vote for Jim Ferlo means that you want to burn in hell for all eternity.
Well, we're back to square one: the courts have ruled that Allegheny County's base year property assessment system is unconstitutional because of the gross inequities it creates in property values and we're going to see another re-re-reassessment maybe soon enough for the 2010 tax year.
But first, a moment of stupidity from the County Executive in regards to today's property assessment ruling:
"I'm a lawyer, and as county executive I don't believe judges should order something that the people in the county don't want," added Mr. Onorato...Too fucking bad Dan: Allegheny County's current assessment system violates the standards set in the Commonwealth's Constitution. I don't think any lawyer worth a bucket of warm spit could reasonably argue that it's OK to violate the supreme law of the land if people really, *really* want him to do it.*
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Dan Onorato is doing everything he can to avoid making an actual hard choice on this matter, lest it affect his run for Governor.
I wonder if he knows that the Governor's Office doesn't come with a Commonwealth issued backbone and that he has to bring one himself.
* For the the record, lawyers who have names that rhyme with, say, "Galberto Onzales" or "Marriet Hyers" aren't worth a bucket of warm spit.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Per Maria's post, I think I'm going to go to Specter's Town Hall meeting and heckle Arlen. Of course, in order to lighten the mood and throw everyone off, I think I'm only going to shout out positive things or non sequitors.
* "HEY ARLEN! I HOPE YOU MAKE A FULL RECOVERY FROM YOUR CANCER! I WISH YOU WELL!"And so on...
* "I BELIEVE THAT THE PRESIDENT WAS BORN IN HAWAI'I!"
* "DOES ANYONE HAVE CHANGE FOR THE PARKING METER?!"
* "PUPPIES WITH BIG EYES ARE CUTE!"
* "I REFUSE TO STOP SHOUTING UNTIL I'M FINISHED SHOUTING!"
* "HAVE YOU ACTUALLY READ THE BILL, SENATOR? DID YOU NOTICE THAT ON PAGE 156 THERE WAS A PUNCTUATION ERROR ON LINE THREE? CAN YOU GET THE PRINTERS TO FIX THAT IN THE FINAL VERSION OF THE BILL?"
* "I DON'T WANT TO START ANY TROUBLE SO I'M GOING TO SIT DOWN AND LISTEN TO WHAT OTHER PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY!"
* "I HAVE AN AWESOME BEAN DIP RECIPE THAT I'M WILLING TO SHARE. SEE ME AFTER THE MEETING IF YOU'RE INTERESTED!"
* "SENATOR! MY WIFE DIDN'T THINK THAT I COULD MAKE A SPECTACLE OF MYSELF AT THIS MEETING! DO YOU THINK I HAVE, OR DO I HAVE TO DROP AN ETHNIC SLUR?!"
* "I'M AFRAID OF WHAT THIS COUNTRY IS BECOMING, SENATOR: A LONG DRAWN OUT MARCH TOWARDS ENTROPY AND EVENTUAL HEAT DEATH IN A COLD UNFEELING UNIVERSE!"
* "HOW CAN I SIT ON ONE OF THESE DEATH PANELS, SENATOR?"
* "THE NAZIS HAD FREE HEALTH CARE TOO! YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ALSO HAD? MANDATORY MARCHING! ARE WE GOING TO GET MANDATORY MARCHING, SENATOR, BECAUSE HONESTLY THESE GYM MEMBERSHIP FEES ARE KILLING ME AND I CAN'T FIND THE TIME TO EXERCISE REGULARLY!"
* IF CANADIANS LOVE THEIR SINGLE PAYER SYSTEM SO MUCH, WHY DON'T CANADIAN HOCKEY PLAYERS HAVE MORE TEETH?
I also plan to hold up a sign that reads "No evil government subsidized corn, Agnes!"
That'll confuse 'em.
After the last post, I got to thinking: what would be a good name for the Roller Coaster that will be replacing the Turnpike at Kennywood?
I think the answer is obvious: the Mon-Fayette Expressway.
I think the Roller Coaster will have more annual riders though.
(Reuters) West Mifflin, PA - General Manager Jerome Gibas announced today that Kennywood Park's 43-year old Turnpike ride will be sold to Barcelona based infrastructure firm Abertis for $12.8 billion dollars.
"We are excited about this synergistic partnership, and we look forward to creating a new memory with Abertis."
Kennywood's parent corporation Parques Reunidos would receive a lump sum cash payment, while Abertis would collect fees at the ride entrance. At $12.8 billion, this deal is the biggest privatization of an amusement park ride.
With the downfall of the credit markets, amusement park rides have been looked on favorably by Wall Street investment firms for their reliable sources of revenue. From the entertainment standpoint, privatization lessens the political fallout from increased ticket prices and eases the restrictions on pregnant women and those with heart conditions.
Earlier this year, Morgan Stanley had placed the value of the Turnpike Ride at only $30 million, indicating that there may be more to the deal than has been initially announced.
All riders will still be required to keep their hands and legs in the cars at all times.
In the P-G, Michael Fuoco posits the question "Could yesterday's traffic jam be a harbinger of G-20 problems?"
The short answer is yes. The long answer is HOLY CRAP ON A CRACKER YES!
If you've tried to get in touch with pretty much anyone on the service side of City government for the last few weeks, you may have noticed that they seem to be rather busy. Almost as if they were distracted by some upcoming, city-wide event. This isn't to say that regular services (pavings, repairs, Redd-up crew, etc.) are being ignored, just that city employees seem to be pulling double duty.
Now, I mention this because public safety has some prep work to do too, but the bulk of their work will come at the end of September. What that "work" actually entails will be pretty much anyone's guess, but will almost assuredly involve some sort of to-be-determined restriction on Downtown. Where and when that will happen is still anyone's guess at this point, but if I had to hazard a guess, one probably won't be able to get north beyond Forbes Avenue, east past Market Square, or west past 16th Street. Unfortunately, there are probably only one or two folks at DPS that actually know these particulars, if that, and the details will definitely not be shared with the general public until right up to the event.
So, I'm predicting that, unless there's a general order to stay the hell home, it's going to be nearly impossible to get in or out of Downtown, except by foot, bike, roller skate, or possibly trebuchet.
(I'd wouldn't go by trebuchet though, considering that Downtown is going to be one massive no fly area, and I'd hate to be intercepted by a couple of F-10s.)
And that's just the *security* restrictions; it doesn't include organized (and unorganized) street protests that may also restrict movement in the rest of Downtown.
If there is a bright spot out of all of this it's that because of Pittsburgh's odd geography, it's going to be really easy for people in places like Troy Hill, Beltzhoover, or Elliot to sucker out-of-town hippie protesters into renting rooms that are "only a mile away" from Downtown.
Of course, the last thing I need on my commute that week is tailgating a bunch of lost hippies carrying giant paper maché puppets.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
I find it interesting that people are willing to voluntarily plunk down $1.29 million to a casino, with a 10% probability of maybe, possibly being one of the very few that share the benefits of a radical wealth transfer, but that an increase of State income tax to fill a budget gap is akin to slaughtering puppies.
It's probably just me.
I have to say, I feel bad for Arlen Specter: hated by the left wing of his current party, hated by his former party, and hated by folks who, by some miracle, manage not to soil themselves throughout the day.
At a crowded community college, Mr. Specter heard from speaker after speaker who accused him of trampling on their constitutional rights, adding to the federal deficit or allowing government bureaucrats to take over health care.Granted, Arlen's done some damned silly things in his time, but I get the sense that if he still had a little "R" after his name he would be "a staunch ally in the fight of global Kenyan-fascist-socialism" or some other such nonsense.
"You'll be gone, by God the bureaucrats will still be here," said one man.
"My children and grandchildren are going to pay for this," said another.
"One day God will stand before you and judge you!" shouted a third man before security guards approached and he left the room.
I wonder what it's like for his staff to get calls from rank and file Democrats telling him to "hang tough" and that "we're pulling for you." Must be weird.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Well, when I saw this I was pretty pissed:
Cyclists who endured the lengthy closure of the trail during the casino's construction were upset to learn, over the weekend, that they had to walk their bikes in front of the slots venue...While not the "substance" of the complaint, I would say that the "spirit" of the complaint is that there's a fucking God-awful parking garage/casino that's been built on the North Side over the heads of residents of the neighborhood and of the City and one which is just going to exacerbate social and economic problems in order to shave a few dimes off of Fox Chapel property tax bills. Casino owners not allowing people egress across a property that's supposedly a vehicle for public tax relief seems down right hypocritical and also anathema to the recent spirit of opening up the riverfronts for public use.
"Many folks in the bicycle community are upset, as well they should be, because that trail should be a point where people can continue to bike," said [Pittsburgh Mayor Luke] Ravenstahl. "I would say that we share the frustration of the cyclist community with that issue. It was our understanding that that would be an area where cyclists could continue to bike.
"We're going to work with the casino to try to get that rectified."
Casino spokesman Dan Fee said he was aware of the restriction, but did not know if it is temporary or permanent. Nor did he have any immediate information regarding the reason for the restriction.
"It is private property," he said. "I don't know what the substance of their complaint is."
[Jumps off soapbox and regains composure.]
If this is not just a temporary situation, I'd say that the folks over at Bike Pittsburgh should mobilize their membership and their friends and have them all park their bikes in each individual space in the garage.
After cyclists complained about the walk-your-bikes restrictions, Mr. Onorato's Special Projects Coordinator Darla Cravotta today called casino Community Relations Manager George Matta. "George told us that they are going to change the sign that's there," said county spokesman Kevin Evanto "to something along the lines of, 'Please proceed with caution.' "Well, alright then. Glad that's solved.
Monday, August 03, 2009
For all of you that are looking forward to going nowhere fast, there's this:
Pennsylvania, West Virginia and federal officials gathered here today to break ground on the final West Virginia section of the Mon-Fayette Expressway.I'm still trying to figure out what the point of all this is... I mean other than a giant boondoggle and give away to the heavy construction industry and related unions.
The four-mile stretch will connect Interstate 68 outside Morgantown with the section that currently ends in Fayette County, Pa.
The $150 million Mountain State section is expected to open in October 2010.
Maybe the folks at PennDOT just wanted to reenact the Braddock Campaign* and try to retake Pittsburgh from the French.
I gotta wonder, though: with the clusterfuck that is the State Budget, does PennDOT, the Turnpike Commission or anyone else really have the money to complete this damned thing in the near future, or are they just jerking off?
* Of course, they should remember that Braddock gets massacred outside of Pittsburgh (not all too far from Hazelwood in the grand scheme of things) and is buried in a shallow grave outside of Uniontown. One can only hope that the MFX suffers a similar, but more gruesome fate.
The folks at the USDA sent this NOFA to me today:
DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE
Rural Business Cooperative Service
Notice of Funds Availability (NOFA)
Inviting Applications for the Federal Ornithological Wing & Leg (FOWL) Program A/K/A "Cash for Cluckers" Program for Fiscal Year 2009
AGENCY: Rural Business Cooperative Service, USDA.
ACTION: Notice of solicitation of applications.
SUMMARY: This Notice announces the availability of $6,256,000 of competitive grant funds for the RCDI program through the Rural Business Cooperative Service (RBCS), an agency within the USDA Rural Development mission area herein referred to as the Agency. Applicants must provide matching funds in an amount at least equal to the Federal grant. These grants will be made to qualified intermediary organizations that will provide financial and technical assistance to recipients to purchase buckets, sandwiches, nuggets or salads made, in whole or in part, of either dark or white chicken meat. This Notice lists the information needed to submit an application for these funds.
DATES: The deadline for receipt of an application is 4 p.m. local time, September 24, 2009. Applications received before 10 AM will be redirected to the Agency's BREAKFAST Program. The application date and time are firm. The application will not cover "Biggie sizing," "Super-sizing," or any similar programs. The Agency will not consider any application received after the deadline, and reserves the right to put spit, mop water or semen in your application. Applicants intending to mail applications must provide sufficient time to permit delivery on or before the closing deadline date and time, as well as a styrofoam container or other suitable wrapping device. Acceptance by the United States Postal Service or private mailer does not constitute delivery. [Unintelligible mumbling] fries with that? Facsimile (FAX) and postage due applications will not be accepted. Correct change is required.
ADDRESSES: Entities wishing to apply for assistance may download the application documents and requirements delineated in this Notice from the RCDI Web site: http:// www.rurdev.usda.gov/rhs/rcdi/index.htm. Application information for electronic submissions may be found at http://www.grants.gov. Applicants may also request paper application packages, napkins, straws, and honey mustard from the Rural Development office in their state. A list of Rural Development offices and participating locations is included in this Notice.
FOR FURTHER INFORMATION CONTACT: The Rural Development office for the state the applicant is located in. A list of Rural Development State Office contacts is included in this Notice. Please pull around to the next window.