Tuesday, May 19, 2009

2009 Election - Lightning Round (pt. 2)

And with mere hours minutes to go...

City of Pittsburgh Division

Council District 2 Bracket: Theresa Smith,Georgia Blotzer, Robert Frank

Loser: After reviewing so many of these stupid sites, I wonder if there's some sort of underground industry in bad political photography. Each candidate here has chosen at least one exceptionally poor, fast food themed picture: Blotzer looks like Ronald McDonald, Smith looks like an out of focus Grimace, and Frank looks like an Arby's day shift manager. Blotzer's site is, by far, the most high tech of the three, although the continual blinking and flashing on the main page is surely going to cost her votes from the powerful Epileptic Lobby. I'm not quite sure what the Drug Addict in Vancouver BC under Frank's other YouTube videos have to do with his campaign. Will he be promoting Canadian bike theft if elected and, if so, why can't we get some of those bike theft jobs here in Pittsburgh. But, because the white and red on black theme is so awful and I know I've seen it somewhere else before, this round goes to Theresa Smith.

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Council District 4 Bracket: Anthony Coghill, Patrick Reilly, Natalia Rudiack

Loser: The best site in this race is clearly Rudiack, who presents a very good multi-media experience, including video, RSS feed, tweets, and a laser spectacular set to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon. Obviously, Ms. Rudiack is counting on the techno-stoner vote to come out for her. I really didn't think any of that was possible using simple html and css style sheets, but there you go. Coghill and Reilly, with their lack of agenda details, poor site design, and creepy photos, are running neck and neck for last place here. However, because Coghill didn't show you his crotch this time, Patrick Reilly loses in District 4 by a gnat's ass.

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Council District 6 Bracket: Robert Daniel Lavelle

Loser: Despite being up against two other candidates (incumbent Tonya Payne and School Board Member Mark Brentley Sr.), Robert Lavelle is the only candidate in District 6 with an actual website. The absence of a website from Ms. Payne should not be a surprise to anyone who's followed her attendance (or lack thereof) at any public meeting, but it is for Mr. Brentley, who, one would have though, would have wanted to get his message out to as many people as he could. This may say something about the state of computer literacy in Council District 6, but I think it has more to say about the other candidates. Reluctantly and by default, Robert Daniel Lavelle is the loser on this one. Damn shame too, because even with the picture of a 1,000 foot Lavelle poised to either eat or strangle the district, it's a pretty good site.

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Council District 8 Bracket:

Bill Peduto's the only one running here, but I'm automatically adding him as the loser for this Bracket, mostly because I'm tired of getting spammed by him on seven different email accounts. And he refuses to be my friend on Facebook.

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Magisterial District Judge Bracket: Michael Diven versus Jim Motznik

Loser: If either of their sites are any indication, the real losers here are Brookline, Beechview, Mt. Washington, and Duquesne Heights. While I don't believe that a candidate's web presence and appearance has a causal relationship with how effective the candidate will be in office, I do believe that candidates who take time to hone a finely crafted internet message will probably be more likely to understand issues that I'm concerned with. I also don't believe that if this was printed material, a candidate would ever allow either of these promotional abortions to be handed out.

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Seriously guys: fire your webmasters.

Diven & Motznik: you both lose, I award you both no points and may God have mercy on your souls.

And there we are folks. With less than 2 hours to go, I hope this didn't unduly affect your votes. If it did, however, you may want to reconsider which websites you visit in the future or maybe selectively removing yourself from the gene pool.


Anonymous said...

Coghill loses! Too bad this ends the political career of his campaign manager, Matt H.

Anonymous said...

Rudiak's campaign literature was pretty hilarious: it basically flat-out announced that she only cares about her union constituents. Luckily (?), that's something we Pittsburghers are used to.

Anonymous said...

How does this end his career? That doesn't make much sense.

Not much more could have been done in that race and Coghill ran a good campaign and didn't get blown out.

Anonymous said...

Why are you not logging in Matt?

Anonymous said...

Your mother