Blagojevich Unmasked as Supervillain

(Reuters) Springfield, IL - New papers released by Britain's Security Service indicates that embattled Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was really the head of an international criminal organization bent on world domination.

MI5 has revealed to U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald that one of its agents had infiltrated a plot by Blagojevich to capture two nuclear weapons from NATO for a ransom of 200 million dollars. Papers indicate that the Governor intended to escalate conflict between the United States, the United Kingdom and China hoping that they will exhaust themselves and be vulnerable when Blagojevich finally moves in to seize power.

In transcripts from wiretapped phone conversations with staff, Blagojevich said:

This missile will be launched towards Beijing, where General Chang has already called an emergency meeting of the Chinese High Command. Unfortunately, the general will be stuck in traffic and the missile will already hit the compound. However, the general will be too late to stop the Chinese Air Force form sinking the Royal fleet. I will then negotiate a truce, and emerge as a world leader with the Nobel Peace Prize!

Investigators were unable to determine why exactly he would be chosen to negotiate the crisis.

Elsewhere in the report, there is indication that Blagojevich had intended to corner the Gold market by using force to infiltrate Fort Knox and irradiating the country's gold supply.

Officials in the Illinois State Legislature have pointed to these incidents, his belief that he could be appointed to a cabinet position in the Obama Administration, and his attempt to extort campaign contributions from a Children's Hospital as evidence of his dangerous megalomaniacal delusions of grandeur. "I think, perhaps, [crazy] is sort of a clinically appropriate word," said Rep. Jan Schakowsky (D), in an interview Tuesday afternoon.

CIA sources have also indicated that the Governor had developed preliminary plans for a giant moon based "LASER" and the evacuation of "genetically superior" humans to an orbiting space station.

The Governor's office did not return phone calls today, saying that he was busy spending time with his white Persian cat.