Friday, December 19, 2008

Mark Felt Slain by Zombie Nixon

(Reuters) Washington D.C. - The body of W. Mark Felt, who in 2006 was revealed to be the mysterious "Deep Throat" informant who brought down the Nixon White House, was found in a small Western Pennsylvania farmhouse surrounded by the corpses of deceased Watergate accomplices, including former President Richard Milhouse Nixon.

"We're not quite sure what happened here," said Presidential Zombie Historian George Romero, "but we believe that Nixon, in his quest for revenge against Felt, had somehow reanimated and tried to eat Felt's brain."

Police responding to the seen believe that Felt, along with several unnamed companions, had barricaded themselves in the farmhouse, lighting fires to scare off the oncoming horde of the undead. One companion, however, seems to have been bitten by a Zombie Gerald Ford, and later died after falling down a set of stairs.

Mr. Felt himself was attacked by both the former President and his dog checkers, but managed to put up a struggle. Nixon's teeth marks were found in Felt's left thigh and buttocks.

Experts, scientists and military are not sure of the cause of the reanimation, but one scientist is certain that it is the result of radiation emanating from a Venus space probe that exploded in the Earth's atmosphere and landed, in part, in Yorba Linda CA. The FBI has surrounded Congressman John Conyers's home and Paul Newman's grave, in case of another outbreak.

A CIA agent managed to slay G. Gordan Liddy, who turned out not to be a zombie after all.

Funeral arrangements for Mr. Felt have not been announced, although local zombies had reported that his brains were "delicious." He was 95.

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