The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: A Bureaucrat's Aside

The Rules of Bureaucracy

Rule #O: "The Rules of Bureaucracy are mutable, non-canonical, non-ordinal, and contradictory, except in the cases where they are not."
Rule #1: "Document everything you do; if you didn't write it down, it didn't happen."
Rule #2 [The Sixty Minutes Rule]: "Never do anything that would cause Ed Bradley, Mike Wallace, Morley Safer, Steve Croft, Leslie Stahl, or even Andy Rooney to persue you down a hallway with a camera crew."
Rule #3: "Nothing Simple is Ever Easy"
Rule #4: "It's about the money; follow the money."
Rule #5: "Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Rule #6: "Politics is the enemy of good government."
Rule #7: "The biggest detriment to public service is the public."
Rule #8: "The second biggest detriment to public service is the service."
Rule #9: "There's a reason; there's ALWAYS a reason."
Rule #10: "The Law is a harsh mistress: The rigorous and exacting application of which can benefit of society when used correctly to advance good policy and block bad, and be the bane of society when used incorrectly to advance bad policy and block good."
Rule #11: "Public service often involves waking up in the morning, opening up the newspaper, and discovering that someone, somewhere out there thinks that you're a dickhead."
Rule #12: "No one really knows what you do."
Rule #13 [Luke's Rule]: "No one ever acts like the bastard they really are."
Rule #14: "Bureaucracy endures."
Rule #15: "The longer you work in bureaucracy, the more Catch-22 resembles non-fiction."
Rule #16: "Politicians are not smarter than you."
Rule #18: "Money is not created equal."
Rule #19: "Mediocrity is normalcy."
Rule #17: "Within any bureaucratic structure, resources (e.g. people, money, knowledge, etc.) are not distributed uniformly."
Rule #20: "Don't assume a fiduciary liability without a committed resource allocation."
Rule #21: "If you do your job and obey the law, they can't reasonably fire you."
Rule #22: "The Budget will always be wrong."
Rule #23: "Always sign in blue."
Rule #24: "A Bureaucrat must be able to explain and justify his/her actions to laymen without resorting to the phrase 'because the Rules say so.'"
Rule #25: "Never voluntarily relinquish control of an original document."
Rule #26: "Sometimes you just have to say 'Screw the rules'"
Rule #27: "Change sucks."
Rule #28: "Sometimes the answer is 'No.'"
Rule #29: "It is very easy to make difficult decisions when no one has a clue what's going on."
Rule #30: "If you hang around long enough, eventually you will become an expert in something."
Rule #31: "Data, technology, and automatic processes can never completely supplant human interaction."
Rule #32: "Cover thine own ass."
Rule #33: "It's not real until it has its own acronym."
Rule #34:There is nothing more dangerous than an elected, resourceful idiot.
Rule #35: It will always take longer than expected.
Rule #36: Coming Soon...

Friday, February 20, 2009

A Bureaucrat's Aside

Methinks that arresting politicians is far more efficient than an California-style recall elecection, plus with the added benefit of a perp walk.

However, before we encourage this type of behavior, one must ask: do we have the prison space for the detrious of 130 municipalities?

12 comments:

Anonymous said...: Elecection? You *are* drunk.; 8:52 AM
Lady Elaine said...: Awe, give him a break. He might be furloughed!

This is the time of the year Rendell goes nuts and all bureaucrats' stomaches are in knots because they are used as pawns in his game of "give me what I want, or I will fire everyone!"; 2:26 PM
Anonymous said...: Fry'm'all,,,send them to Elecection Chair...

monk; 5:17 PM
Anonymous said...: Maybe if they started a chain gang, someone might actually fill a pot hole.; 9:41 PM
Bram Reichbaum said...: I'm all for house arrest. Ankle bracelets and flat-screen TV's for all!!!; 10:39 PM
Sherry Pasquarello said...: oh i say sentence them to toilet scrubbing in truck stop rest rooms.

wearing ankle bracelets; 11:51 AM
Anonymous said...: Politican = Prison; 5:56 PM
Anonymous said...: ankle bracelets...are pain. STBX still bitched at me for not taking her out...; 6:05 PM
Anonymous said...: Forgot to sign previous entry...

MONK!; 6:13 PM
Monk said...: All I need is a Mug/Monk shot...to complete idenity; 6:25 PM
Lady Elaine said...: Maybe what we need is a good Avenger.

In the Lobby of Congress:

"Did you hear about Bob?" Congressman Bill whispered to Congressman Larry. They both quivered in silence for a moment.

"The Avenger got him, out on the lawn, after caucus. Poor bastard never had a chance. Now he's on the Parks and Recreation Committee."; 7:47 PM
O said...: I can only hope that he spends some quality time with Twanda Carlisle and Jeff Habay learning a trade.

(And for the record, Anonymous: I was trying very had to misspell detritus, which is why I misspelled election. Sory.); 11:16 AM

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The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat

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Friday, February 20, 2009

A Bureaucrat's Aside

12 comments:

Recorded in the Office of the Prothonotary

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