The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Bush Spends Presidents Day "Being a Dick"

The Rules of Bureaucracy

Rule #O: "The Rules of Bureaucracy are mutable, non-canonical, non-ordinal, and contradictory, except in the cases where they are not."
Rule #1: "Document everything you do; if you didn't write it down, it didn't happen."
Rule #2 [The Sixty Minutes Rule]: "Never do anything that would cause Ed Bradley, Mike Wallace, Morley Safer, Steve Croft, Leslie Stahl, or even Andy Rooney to persue you down a hallway with a camera crew."
Rule #3: "Nothing Simple is Ever Easy"
Rule #4: "It's about the money; follow the money."
Rule #5: "Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Rule #6: "Politics is the enemy of good government."
Rule #7: "The biggest detriment to public service is the public."
Rule #8: "The second biggest detriment to public service is the service."
Rule #9: "There's a reason; there's ALWAYS a reason."
Rule #10: "The Law is a harsh mistress: The rigorous and exacting application of which can benefit of society when used correctly to advance good policy and block bad, and be the bane of society when used incorrectly to advance bad policy and block good."
Rule #11: "Public service often involves waking up in the morning, opening up the newspaper, and discovering that someone, somewhere out there thinks that you're a dickhead."
Rule #12: "No one really knows what you do."
Rule #13 [Luke's Rule]: "No one ever acts like the bastard they really are."
Rule #14: "Bureaucracy endures."
Rule #15: "The longer you work in bureaucracy, the more Catch-22 resembles non-fiction."
Rule #16: "Politicians are not smarter than you."
Rule #18: "Money is not created equal."
Rule #19: "Mediocrity is normalcy."
Rule #17: "Within any bureaucratic structure, resources (e.g. people, money, knowledge, etc.) are not distributed uniformly."
Rule #20: "Don't assume a fiduciary liability without a committed resource allocation."
Rule #21: "If you do your job and obey the law, they can't reasonably fire you."
Rule #22: "The Budget will always be wrong."
Rule #23: "Always sign in blue."
Rule #24: "A Bureaucrat must be able to explain and justify his/her actions to laymen without resorting to the phrase 'because the Rules say so.'"
Rule #25: "Never voluntarily relinquish control of an original document."
Rule #26: "Sometimes you just have to say 'Screw the rules'"
Rule #27: "Change sucks."
Rule #28: "Sometimes the answer is 'No.'"
Rule #29: "It is very easy to make difficult decisions when no one has a clue what's going on."
Rule #30: "If you hang around long enough, eventually you will become an expert in something."
Rule #31: "Data, technology, and automatic processes can never completely supplant human interaction."
Rule #32: "Cover thine own ass."
Rule #33: "It's not real until it has its own acronym."
Rule #34:There is nothing more dangerous than an elected, resourceful idiot.
Rule #35: It will always take longer than expected.
Rule #36: Coming Soon...

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Bush Spends Presidents Day "Being a Dick"

(Reuters) Dallas TX - Enjoying his first Presidents Day without responsibilities for the last eight years, former President George W. Bush spent the Federal holiday being a dick.

Neighbors of the former President say that Mr. Bush woke up early on Monday morning and fired up the leaf blower at 6:30 AM. After he swiped the newspapers from other front porches, he then walked his dog Barney on neighbors' lawns and left without cleaning up the mess. Later in the day, he barbecued some foul smelling piece of meat, while drinking and hurling empty bottles of Schlitz at delivery men.

Former Chief of Staff Andrew Card said that this type of behavior should be expected from an Ex-President.

"You see, the man's been the leader of the free world for the last eight years. He's had to deal with 9/11, terrorism, war, 9/11, economic collapse, corruption, 9/11 and 9/11. Those kinds of things can really grate on a person. He's just finally getting a chance to let out his inner asshole."

Neighbors in the private community were not so forgiving.

"I voted for the guy, you see," said next door neighbor Montgomery L. Hibbert, "But what he was doing to Laura was just unforgivable. You could hear a loud 'thththblat' and then Mr. Bush shout 'Hey Laura! Did that one smell like the Prime Minister of India to you?' It was disgusting. In the evening he came out dressed only in his boxer shorts challenging anybody who came within earshot to a fight. You could see the whole butcher shop just swinging around."

Mr. Card, however, had a further explanation. "I suppose that after eight years, he figures that he's earned his own President's Day, which apparently involves things like turning the hose on children that get too close to his flower bed."

Friends of the former President say that this kind of behavior should not last long and will lose enthusiasm within a few weeks. His father, former President George H.W. Bush is helping him find a baseball team, oil company, or other first world nation to play with for the time being.

The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat

Pages

About Me

The Rules of Bureaucracy

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet...

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Bush Spends Presidents Day "Being a Dick"

No comments:

Recorded in the Office of the Prothonotary

Public Comment Period

Other Blogs

Other Public Servants

Adjourned sine die

The Filing Cabinet