Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Bush Spends Presidents Day "Being a Dick"

(Reuters) Dallas TX - Enjoying his first Presidents Day without responsibilities for the last eight years, former President George W. Bush spent the Federal holiday being a dick.

Neighbors of the former President say that Mr. Bush woke up early on Monday morning and fired up the leaf blower at 6:30 AM. After he swiped the newspapers from other front porches, he then walked his dog Barney on neighbors' lawns and left without cleaning up the mess. Later in the day, he barbecued some foul smelling piece of meat, while drinking and hurling empty bottles of Schlitz at delivery men.

Former Chief of Staff Andrew Card said that this type of behavior should be expected from an Ex-President.

"You see, the man's been the leader of the free world for the last eight years. He's had to deal with 9/11, terrorism, war, 9/11, economic collapse, corruption, 9/11 and 9/11. Those kinds of things can really grate on a person. He's just finally getting a chance to let out his inner asshole."

Neighbors in the private community were not so forgiving.

"I voted for the guy, you see," said next door neighbor Montgomery L. Hibbert, "But what he was doing to Laura was just unforgivable. You could hear a loud 'thththblat' and then Mr. Bush shout 'Hey Laura! Did that one smell like the Prime Minister of India to you?' It was disgusting. In the evening he came out dressed only in his boxer shorts challenging anybody who came within earshot to a fight. You could see the whole butcher shop just swinging around."

Mr. Card, however, had a further explanation. "I suppose that after eight years, he figures that he's earned his own President's Day, which apparently involves things like turning the hose on children that get too close to his flower bed."

Friends of the former President say that this kind of behavior should not last long and will lose enthusiasm within a few weeks. His father, former President George H.W. Bush is helping him find a baseball team, oil company, or other first world nation to play with for the time being.

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