The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: A Bureaucrat's Aside

The Rules of Bureaucracy

Rule #O: "The Rules of Bureaucracy are mutable, non-canonical, non-ordinal, and contradictory, except in the cases where they are not."
Rule #1: "Document everything you do; if you didn't write it down, it didn't happen."
Rule #2 [The Sixty Minutes Rule]: "Never do anything that would cause Ed Bradley, Mike Wallace, Morley Safer, Steve Croft, Leslie Stahl, or even Andy Rooney to persue you down a hallway with a camera crew."
Rule #3: "Nothing Simple is Ever Easy"
Rule #4: "It's about the money; follow the money."
Rule #5: "Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Rule #6: "Politics is the enemy of good government."
Rule #7: "The biggest detriment to public service is the public."
Rule #8: "The second biggest detriment to public service is the service."
Rule #9: "There's a reason; there's ALWAYS a reason."
Rule #10: "The Law is a harsh mistress: The rigorous and exacting application of which can benefit of society when used correctly to advance good policy and block bad, and be the bane of society when used incorrectly to advance bad policy and block good."
Rule #11: "Public service often involves waking up in the morning, opening up the newspaper, and discovering that someone, somewhere out there thinks that you're a dickhead."
Rule #12: "No one really knows what you do."
Rule #13 [Luke's Rule]: "No one ever acts like the bastard they really are."
Rule #14: "Bureaucracy endures."
Rule #15: "The longer you work in bureaucracy, the more Catch-22 resembles non-fiction."
Rule #16: "Politicians are not smarter than you."
Rule #18: "Money is not created equal."
Rule #19: "Mediocrity is normalcy."
Rule #17: "Within any bureaucratic structure, resources (e.g. people, money, knowledge, etc.) are not distributed uniformly."
Rule #20: "Don't assume a fiduciary liability without a committed resource allocation."
Rule #21: "If you do your job and obey the law, they can't reasonably fire you."
Rule #22: "The Budget will always be wrong."
Rule #23: "Always sign in blue."
Rule #24: "A Bureaucrat must be able to explain and justify his/her actions to laymen without resorting to the phrase 'because the Rules say so.'"
Rule #25: "Never voluntarily relinquish control of an original document."
Rule #26: "Sometimes you just have to say 'Screw the rules'"
Rule #27: "Change sucks."
Rule #28: "Sometimes the answer is 'No.'"
Rule #29: "It is very easy to make difficult decisions when no one has a clue what's going on."
Rule #30: "If you hang around long enough, eventually you will become an expert in something."
Rule #31: "Data, technology, and automatic processes can never completely supplant human interaction."
Rule #32: "Cover thine own ass."
Rule #33: "It's not real until it has its own acronym."
Rule #34:There is nothing more dangerous than an elected, resourceful idiot.
Rule #35: It will always take longer than expected.
Rule #36: Coming Soon...

Thursday, February 26, 2009

A Bureaucrat's Aside

You know, the more my conspiracy laden parts of my mind think about it, the more I wonder if Gov. Bobby Jindal's statements about volcano monitoring were an oblique reference to Scientology, and its founder L. Ron Hubbard's belief (and I'm paraphrasing here) that the image of a volcano is ingrained into human consciousness and will immediately produce an inexplicable gutteral reaction... Which is why, of course, copies of Dianetics and those insufferable 3 AM commercials feature vulcan imagery so prominently.

Or maybe Democrats really are just in line with Xenu.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...: "vulcan imagery"

Einstien recieved Nobel on thesis associated with supermarket door openers...Light Beams.

Used Mecurical moon named "vulcan" to prove the absence of "either" and the exsistance of light particles. (will bend under gravitationl forces)

It was not his theroy of relativity that was acknowledged.

He was considered to be stupid Jew working in patent office while in exile in Switzerland. Timed train arrival with Swiss clock.

Al is the coolest!

monk; 4:05 PM
Anonymous said...: Al (einstein) while living at Princton, Ivy League College...called his maid and asked her if Albert Einstien lived there. Maid who was with him (when he died) did not want to give out information. Sir she said 'Who wants to know."

"It's me, Al, forgot where I'm at."

Neat thing about Al, he excepted flaws, if human. He did so because of wife and kid (s).

While on vacation with family in Alps...wonders if on elavator, that does not measure in floors, but ligth-years...

It's all relative...

monk; 4:47 PM
Anonymous said...: Al, in his finest moment...invited young into his abode, while living last days...

They shared canned beans...

Tonight, I share same,

..Guy thing!

monk; 5:18 PM

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The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat

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Thursday, February 26, 2009

A Bureaucrat's Aside

3 comments:

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